What a Wimp!

On the way in to vote today, there was a talk show on public radio about how honest we should be in our everyday life. One psychiatrist who had worked in Washington D C for years says it is absolutely mandatory if you are to have a satisfying, intimate relationship with another. He said the problem in our culture is not so much the 53% divorces, but the 47% marriages, some of which are very bad marriages with a lot of deception. He said, "If you honestly relate to someone, there will be ups and downs but you forgive and become better friends or partners because of the trust and belief in one another."

Another writer had the opinion that if a little deception is better for the relationship and doesn't harm anyone, do it. She said there were some things she wish she hadn't been told. And, of course, the discussion on whether you honestly tell someone the truth when they ask if they look fat in their pants, etc. Do we really want someone to be totally honest with us if it is going to make us feel badly?

I know my husband kept certain things from me because he didn't want me to worry or to rethink and complain about what he was doing business wise. He didn't lie, he just omitted. Keep peace at all costs is some people's attitude.

After I voted I decided to eat some of my favorite Mex food, but they were closed so I thought I would try the hamburger at the "50's Diner". Surely that could only be good, it should be their specialty. NOT! The hamburger looked ok but the meat tasted terrible (like old) and was not as grilled brown as it should have been. The fries were greasy. I vowed never to come back and did not finish the meal... When she came and asked me how everything was, what did I say? Did I tell her what I thought? NO, I lied!!! I said, "Fine."

And I thought of the "Honesty" discussion I had heard. Why didn't I tell her? To keep peace? To avoid confrontation? Because it would be a hassle? Just not coming back was my choice, not to have them take it back and do over, etc. I am acquainted with some men who certainly would have complained. They are confident, assured and leaders in their career choices. Whether they are always honest I don't know but they wouldn't pay for something that was bad and if asked about the food, they would have spoken up...

Many fine nuances to being honest: Is "omitting" dishonesty, is being diplomatic dishonest, is blunt truth too cruel, can all friendships and relationships weather total honesty??? Something to think about.

Unfortunately, sometimes I can be too direct and "honest" in a way that can hurt. And other times, I do not assert my rights by being as honest as I should be... I can be a wimp or a jerk depending on the mood. Something to think about. Hopefully, generally I am somewhere in between and just nice and agreeable with a little positive feedback thrown in...