Black and Blue

Yesterday I read from start to finish one of Anna Quindlen's Books.  I love her writing.  This one was a sad one though, about an abused woman and her need to flee through the help of the underground that exists for such women.  The book was "Black and Blue".  When I read something like this I realize again how blessed I was to have gentle and kind men in my life.  The book also  helped me to understand a little as to why women who are abused stay so long with their abusers.  I have often wondered why there are so many of these male types, though.

Hedda Nussbaum was one of the most famous cases of abused women and her husband Joel Steinberg was convicted of manslaughter in the deadly abuse of one of their foster children.  Ms. Nussbaum spent years in therapy and then working with abused women and this is what she listed as red flags in abusive men.

Nussbaum's List of Red Flags:  (I don't know why anyone would date someone like this!)

1.He pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away.
2.He hates his mother and is nasty to her.
3.He wants your undivided attention.
4.He must always be in charge.
5.He always has to win.
6.He breaks promises all the time.
7.He can't take criticism and always justifies his actions.
8.He blames someone else for anything that goes wrong.
9.He's jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men
10.He always asks you where you went and whom you saw.
11.He has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable.
12.He has a mean temper.
13.He often says you don't know what you're talking about.
14.He makes you feel like you're not good enough.
15.He withdraws his love or approval as punishment.
16.He pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law