Observations On Being Over 85 Years Old-by my brother Dave

Dave and Dorothy--Married over 65 years

1-You can remember all your youth and high school but not what you did last week.

2-Your spirit is willing but your knees are weak.

3-By the time you get ready to go, you are too tired to go.

4-Young ladies treat you nice, they know you’re harmless.

5-Your wife says you only hear what you want to hear—you are glad you can’t hear it all.

6-"Ben Gay” is your best friend.

7-Your favorite song is “Memories”.

8-You can’t afford to live and you can’t afford to die.

9-You have too much stuff.

10-A new bike now costs more than your first car at $1800.

11-You have more friends under ground than above ground.

12-You can gain weight just by looking at food.

13-You steer the car but your wife is the driver.

14-All the dummies are in Congress and all the smart ones are on TV.

15-You have lived happily for 85 years without Facebook, Google, Internet, Smart Phone, or even  a computer.

16-You remember paying 25cents for a gallon of gas.

17-You have lived through at least six wars.

18-You have to buy a nice head of hair.

19-You are still paying taxes!

20-Your best exercise is just going up and down stairs.

21-Most of your social life is in grocery and post office lines.

22-Most of your phone calls are a pain in the a.__.

23-Everyone looks older than you at your class reunion.

24-Looking in the mirror the first thing in the morning is the worst thing you can do.

25-You can afford steak but you don’t want it.

26-Your wife knows far more than you do.

27-A morning BM is the best thing that happens all day. 

28-You have lots of time to read but your eyes get tired.

29-You hit the golf ball with a Driver about the distance a Pro can with a 9 iron.

30-You don’t lose many golf balls anymore because they don’t go far enough to be out of sight.

31-The suit styles are still changing but you don’t care.

32-The old songs and movies are better than the new ones.

33-You remember when a $6.50 hamburger was 15 cents and a $3.50 ice cream cone was a nickel.

34-The way the youth talk you wonder if there are any  good English teachers in the schools today.

35-You only take the daily paper to read the obituaries.

36-Your families are like fudge, mostly sweet with a few nuts.

37-You can’t understand why anyone would go to a “Harry Potter” movie at midnight and who is Harry Potter anyway?

38-You like Harry Truman!

39-You remember when only sailors had tattoos.

40-You walked to school.

41-You ate 3 meals a day with the whole family!

42-You remember when no one wore shorts, especially to school.

43-You have lived through many 3 initials  WPA,PDQ,OPA,CBS,NBC,ABC,FOX,LDS,USA,QVC…

44-Most of your rump has disappeared and reappeared around your waist.

45-The only four letter word you like and use is “four”.

46-You delivered papers for years but “tips” were not invented yet and neither was Mom driving you in a car.

47-You remember when Mom called in her grocery order and they delivered them at no extra charge.

48-Castor Oil and Vicks cured everything when you were young.

49- And dogs did not live in the house!

50-And children played outside as much as they could.

51-You made your own kites, wooden guns and lead soldiers.

52-You never got spanked even when you deserved it.

53-Family picnics were a BIG deal.

54-There was no Fast Food except for Mom’s cooking. 

55-Movies cost 10 cents and on Pal Nite two could go for a dime.

56-A ‘Black Cow’ sucker lasted through most of the movie but not the Friday Night added Serial.

57-You went through 12 years of school with no back packs and no car.

58-Passing gas in the morning is the best feeling of the day.

59-You usually win “Longest Marriage” (65 years) at the programs and reunions you go to.  When they ask “How did you do it?” You reply “Don’t die!”.