Thanksgiving Eve

It has been 22 years since Richard passed away but when I am alone at Thanksgiving I relive that night over and over.  Still, I cannot believe it has been that many years since it happened.  My life has gone by very quickly even though I have been very lonely for most of the time.

Since the horrible fire last Thursday I have been very nervous and unfocused.  It is just so overwhelming how fast someone's life can change by a death, by a tragedy, by an accident and one is never prepared.  I feel so alone and vulnerable but I do not know what to do about it.  Over and over I make the decision that I stay here in the summer and just go to San Diego for a few months in the winter but I keep having to rethink the decision over and over.

For three days here I am eating everything I have missed over the past year or more.  I really need to stop, it is too fun.  Dr. wants me to not eat any yogurt for the next six months to see if I can get my sugar level down.  He says there is too much sugar in it.  Oh, if he could see what I have eaten today.  But....