A Brief on Richard and my Courtship, Wedding, Marriage, Children and Death

Linda asked me if we had any wedding pictures.  And technically, no we didn't.   My story is told elsewhere but technically Bill, the helicopter pilot and boyfriend,  and I had set a date for a summer wedding.  He was a Christian Scientist and I was a Mormon but we finally decided to go for it anyway.  But someone up there had different plans for me! My parents who were in Utah and on their way down for my wedding came on down anyway to sympathize with me after we called off the wedding.

So I have these pictures at the beginning of the summer of 1959 .  Incidentally I did not see these pictures until just a few years ago when my nephew printed all of my Dad's movies online and I was able to take some individual pictures off of the film, that is why they are not really clear.

Anyway somewhere else is all the drama of this visit.

And then Richard came into my life just before Labor Day 1959 when I returned from BYU Summer School.  My friend had called me and said she had someone she wanted me to meet who had just moved in.  I said, "No way, not interested."

But that Sunday after Sacrament Meeting Richard came charging up and introduced himself and asked if I would go to the Fireside with him, I was going with Danny, he asked for a date Wednesday night, I had one with Bob, he asked for one Saturday and I had one with Clinton and so he asked what about tomorrow Labor Day to Balboa Park and I said OK.

Since I had broken up with Bill, who I had gone with almost since I moved to San Diego, these guys from the ward thought they would date me now.  And Richard was blown away by my popularity, but it was just a one week thing.  There is more to that story but anyway he began spending most of his time at my place and then took me to meet his mother in Las Vegas and decided we had should get married but we did not have any time off till Christmas and we were together all the time and fully committed to each other by then.  We had known each other only six weeks and had both broken engagements behind us.  Richard wrote a lovely letter to my parents explaining we would marry in the Temple later and thanked them for shooshing all the other guys away.  I found later that his parents did the same thing, elope when their parents were traveling and then marry in the Temple later!!!!

So we planned to elope one weekend, get married by the Bishop and then go to LA for a fast honeymoon and back to my teaching school and his appraising job on Monday.  All plans went well until Scott, his brother, found out and those details are somewhere else about the "wedding" he planned and cake he bought, etc and all his family and Vida  came to San Diego for a early Friday evening wedding.

 But no one took any pictures.   I had a on a lovely dress (I wish I had a picture) and the principal over my class for me and I had lots of time to dress.  It was early evening in a big hotel room with family and Cake and the Bishop and did we eat anything?  Cannot remember.  We had taken earlier pictures for the announcement or whatever we might need but no one was prepared with a camera that night I guess.

And then soon after we married on October 23 Mom and Dad came to San Diego again and we took pictures with them that were almost like wedding or honeymoon pictures.  Here again, these pictures are taken off the movie film.

 So we met the Sunday before Labor Day 1959, were married on October 23, 1959 and baby John was born August 19, 1960 and we went to the Temple on November 4, 1960 and Linda was born June 28th, 1962, Maria was born November 15, 1963 and James was born June 27th, 1966.  Richard died on November 27th, 1996.  John died on April 5th, 2004 and it is now 2023 so I have had lots of time alone to gather memories and records and put this all online and what is most important is in Family Search as well.  Our life is an open book online!

Selective Memory

My sister, Marilyn, called and said she loved reading "The Montana Years" and that there was a lot more detail than she remembered. 

She did say I had forgotten that we had an 18th Birthday Party for Marilyn at Norma Kay's house.  Kay was in my grade, not Marilyn's.  I do not remember it at all. 

It is very interesting what "selective memory" we have.  I am not sure that term applies here but I did look it up and this is what it means:

Lacunar amnesia is the loss of memory about one specific event. It is a type of amnesia that leaves a lacuna (a gap) in the record of memory.


According to Steven Johnson, (the author of Mind Wide Open: Your Brain and the Neuroscience of Everyday Life):

"Scientists believe memories are captured and stored by two separate parts of the brain, the hippocampus, the normal seat of memory, and the amygdala, one of the brain's emotional centers...   the brain is designed to preserve emotionally strong memories. Even amnesiacs, under the right circumstances, can remember their past feelings."



Furthermore, according to Alex Chadwick speaking on NPR:

"Some scientists now believe that memories effectively get rewritten every time they're activated...  Theoretically, if you could block that chemical reaction in a human brain while triggering a specific memory, you could make a targeted erasure. Think of a dreadful fight with your girlfriend while blocking that chemical reaction, and zap! The memory's gone."



Daniel Goleman, in his book Vital Lies, Simple Truths, defines a lacuna as :

"...   Lacunas, in short, create blind spots "

As I say, I can't imagine why I would selectively forget Marilyn's birthday party, but the above has certainly happened in the selective memories I have regarding relationships that fall apart.  I simply have erased certain memories from my brain, absolutely.  I also would erase from my mind disagreements with my husband.  It certainly makes for a more peaceful coexistence.  Richard, on the other hand, could remember everything--this is not nearly as good for the psyche.

Selective memory is a great survival mechanism.

Marilyn, a few years ago, at the Anderson Cabin.