Monday, May 28, 2007

Eight Random Facts About Myself

Well, I guess the only ones who are going to read this already know the rules. Meagan tagged me to write 8 random facts about myself and then choose 8 others to do the same. Isn't it strange that we know very few people who blog. Meagan started it and then Maria taught me how and then Linda. etc but no friends blog...What are they doing with their life? So here goes but no rules and no other people chosen to blog...
  • Random Fact #1 as I said in Meagan's blog is I hate being tagged for anything or chosen for anything or responsible for anything or anybody. Because I am a responsible person I will do it but I am out of my comfort zone. I never wanted to be “in charge” or “the boss” or “the leader:” or “the teacher”. I am a good audience, though and appreciate almost anything other people do to perform but I do not have ambitions to be up there on the stage except I always wanted to be a blues singer in a small intimate cafĂ©. I am a terrible singer, however, it is not fair.
  • Fact #2 I have an addictive personality so it is good I never got into drink or smoke or drugs. I also think it is hereditary and other relatives who have gotten into drink have had a hard time so beware if you are related to me. I order the same foods over and over again at the restaurant, I eat the same things at home over and over and I can’t have certain foods around or I will just keep eating them until they are gone or I am very sick. Unfortunately, because I have an addictive personality I still do occasionally have certain things around the house that I eat and eat and very much enjoy eating.
  • Fact #3 The thing I love most about my wood floors is that they are so great for dancing. I love to turn the lights off, turn on my Ipod and dance around the floor. If I am feeling especially festive I even don my red nightgown ( how is that for a picture with my white sox)—now all I need is some floaty scarfs flying around, ha. I think I gained weight this winter because my Ipod was broken. Thank you Linda for putting dance back into my life with a new Ipod.
  • Fact #4 I like being alone rather than in a crowd. I have always wanted “time” and that is what I love most about growing old. However, it is also very lonely at times. It is a conundrum. After Richard died I started collecting music and musicals, etc. and I now have over 3000 songs and music to listen to or watch whenever I want. I also write to Richard quite often. I never have to worry about what I say. It is even better than a blog.
  • Fact #5. I especially enjoy just one person at a time, one grandchild to go someplace with, one person to chat with, etc. I just never made it in the party scene. Though a teacher once told me I always looked like I was having fun and she would only see me in a crowd. But my best memories are of being with just one other person at a time.
  • Fact #6. I always wanted “someone to take care of me”. That is what I was attracted to about Richard. And he did for a long time. Eventually I had to learn to take care of myself and I can do it, however…
  • Fact #7. I am also a hopeless romantic who is still waiting for that silverhaired knight on white charger to come and escape with me to a mountaintop—oops I’m already on the mountain top. Oh well, at least I have my romantic music.
  • Fact #8 I really love my little home and where I live. I love the peace and quiet and no traffic and very simple life. I just wish I wasn’t getting older and tireder and had no aches or pains and had more stamina for traveling back and forth to So Cal and Susanville cuz I do love to be around the family, too. I really do…

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Summer Arrives!

I wanted to record how my yard looked at the beginning of summer--last year the deer devoured everything even the plants on the deck and the beautiful crabapple tree you can't see was completed topped off. This year I am using ribbons to deter them plus the Liquid Fence spray I evidently didn't use enough of. And every morning I see them walk across the back of my yard but they will not come into it!!! Yea, it's working, we will see how long this lasts.
Yesterday I cleaned out the wood shed and guess who lives there? I found numerous squirrel condos with lots of tree droppings dragged in as well as all the lint from my dryer plus somebody's carpet pieces and even pieces of the walls of the shed. Good thing they have all summer to relocate! No wonder one of the squirrels was scolding me the whole time. I almost feared he would jump me...

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

The Flowers that Keep on Giving

Each morning a new flower has opened up on my bouquet from James and it just keeps getting more gorgeous. When I think how difficult it is to get one little flower to bloom in my dirt garden, I really marvel at what professional gardeners can do. Really beautiful. I love having fresh flowers.
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Monday, May 14, 2007

Mother's Day

What is it about Mother's Day? I think it is complicated--as much as being a Mother is complicated. Yes, it is vitally important and wonderful to get those cards and phone calls and even flowers from James, Linda, Maria, and Meagan. It is a special time to hear from your beloved sons and daughters and even grandchildren so you can feel close to them and appreciate what remarkable, wonderful people they are. It is also a day of reflection on your own dear mother--I spent half the day just reading her memoirs, studying pictures from the past and reading the letters she received when her husband passed away. It is good to remember and appreciate. She was a very beloved Mom. It was my intention (while playing my favorite DVDs) to go through my own and my sons and my husbands memory books as well but time ran out on me what with phone calls and all. But it was a good day, even down to the favorite Lemon Coconut Cake I made to celebrate and share with Marjorie and her son and Mom.

However, even before my first baby and son passed away at 43 years of age, Mother's Day has always been hard for me. I didn't like to go to Church and hear all those talks about how wonderful mothers are. I guess because I would reflect on all my faults as a Mom, rather than the good things, though I never reflected on any faults my own Mom might have had, just me. Probably a very destructive and selfish reflection. My husband never understood it. He would say, "You're such a good Mom, why do you feel sad?" I couldn't explain it but I have a very dear memory of my husband one Mother's Day when he said, "We don't have to go to Church, we can just go to Seaport Village and walk around." (Our children were all grown)." And so we did and it was a lovely morning of love and caring and viewing the ocean and enjoying the sunshine (and not hearing those Mother Day talks) and then we came home to have dinner and enjoy the children. I so appreciated his having compassion on my feelings, even though he never understood.

I find now especially, in my old age and being alone, I choose where I will go and where I will spend my time. I know what will make me feel lonely and what will give me cheer whether it is visiting or calling on another, just listening to great music, enjoying one of my many memory books or taking a drive or a walk with a friend. Mother's Day is fragile, I treat it carefully.

I also appreciated getting a Mother's Day call from three of my SBA friends who had been called to Kansas. Mary, Gwenda, and Beverly are there trying to help those whose homes were destroyed. Living conditions are not the best but they all have that SBA "happy to be of help" attitude as they worked on Sunday, Mother's Day, and took time out to call and say hello and ask me how much I was enjoying being home this year, instead of out in the field driving alot and living in rather spartan conditions with them. Well, I am so happy I can be home but I know what good they are doing and hope they had a happy Mother's Day, too, as they called on victims to offer help.

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My Life So Far