Mother's Day

What is it about Mother's Day? I think it is complicated--as much as being a Mother is complicated. Yes, it is vitally important and wonderful to get those cards and phone calls and even flowers from James, Linda, Maria, and Meagan. It is a special time to hear from your beloved sons and daughters and even grandchildren so you can feel close to them and appreciate what remarkable, wonderful people they are. It is also a day of reflection on your own dear mother--I spent half the day just reading her memoirs, studying pictures from the past and reading the letters she received when her husband passed away. It is good to remember and appreciate. She was a very beloved Mom. It was my intention (while playing my favorite DVDs) to go through my own and my sons and my husbands memory books as well but time ran out on me what with phone calls and all. But it was a good day, even down to the favorite Lemon Coconut Cake I made to celebrate and share with Marjorie and her son and Mom.

However, even before my first baby and son passed away at 43 years of age, Mother's Day has always been hard for me. I didn't like to go to Church and hear all those talks about how wonderful mothers are. I guess because I would reflect on all my faults as a Mom, rather than the good things, though I never reflected on any faults my own Mom might have had, just me. Probably a very destructive and selfish reflection. My husband never understood it. He would say, "You're such a good Mom, why do you feel sad?" I couldn't explain it but I have a very dear memory of my husband one Mother's Day when he said, "We don't have to go to Church, we can just go to Seaport Village and walk around." (Our children were all grown)." And so we did and it was a lovely morning of love and caring and viewing the ocean and enjoying the sunshine (and not hearing those Mother Day talks) and then we came home to have dinner and enjoy the children. I so appreciated his having compassion on my feelings, even though he never understood.

I find now especially, in my old age and being alone, I choose where I will go and where I will spend my time. I know what will make me feel lonely and what will give me cheer whether it is visiting or calling on another, just listening to great music, enjoying one of my many memory books or taking a drive or a walk with a friend. Mother's Day is fragile, I treat it carefully.

I also appreciated getting a Mother's Day call from three of my SBA friends who had been called to Kansas. Mary, Gwenda, and Beverly are there trying to help those whose homes were destroyed. Living conditions are not the best but they all have that SBA "happy to be of help" attitude as they worked on Sunday, Mother's Day, and took time out to call and say hello and ask me how much I was enjoying being home this year, instead of out in the field driving alot and living in rather spartan conditions with them. Well, I am so happy I can be home but I know what good they are doing and hope they had a happy Mother's Day, too, as they called on victims to offer help.