It has been 22 years since Richard passed away but when I am alone at Thanksgiving I relive that night over and over. Still, I cannot believe it has been that many years since it happened. My life has gone by very quickly even though I have been very lonely for most of the time.
Since the horrible fire last Thursday I have been very nervous and unfocused. It is just so overwhelming how fast someone's life can change by a death, by a tragedy, by an accident and one is never prepared. I feel so alone and vulnerable but I do not know what to do about it. Over and over I make the decision that I stay here in the summer and just go to San Diego for a few months in the winter but I keep having to rethink the decision over and over.
For three days here I am eating everything I have missed over the past year or more. I really need to stop, it is too fun. Dr. wants me to not eat any yogurt for the next six months to see if I can get my sugar level down. He says there is too much sugar in it. Oh, if he could see what I have eaten today. But....
Thursday, November 22, 2018
Monday, November 05, 2018
What Now?
It is early am on November 5th and I have not written in my blog for part of September and all of October, why is that? I am not sure, I just can't decide how I want to spend my time! I can't seem to finish any job I start, why is that? I am even having a hard time finishing a puzzle. That is not like me. But I just can't seem to get the right pieces to fit at the end and I keep taking them apart and toying with the idea of just not finishing it and putting it back in the box...wow, that is not like me at all!!! What is going on in my mind?
Here is what I do know. I am experimenting in cooking with the Instant Pot and so far have made delicious Split Pea soup with ham hocks!! I also took a whole bag of frozen chicken thighs and made chicken taco filling. Most delicious and oh, so easy. I need to get some accessories so I can try other of my favorite foods but I really think I can get rid of other utensils and will just take the Instant Pot with me when I go down to San Diego. Still, up in the air about taking my big computer or laptop, it is so hard for me to be decisive anymore.
I have also decided for sure not to buy Christmas gifts this year. What I contribute is not worth much and probably will not be missed and since James has paid me off I just do not have enough cash flow to take care of the basics without going into debt and I just cannot do that anymore, so Christmas without presents, for sure. I will have to think about how to spend it more wisely.
I am meeting Linda at the Sacramento airport on Dec 14 at 10:30 and going to stay at James and Camber's house. James is making lots of money and toying with the idea of getting a condo or something which they would use as income property and let me live in but very up in the air and I need to retain my house. I will probably end up in Jimmy's room as Kelsi wants to keep her room this year. Whatever beggars cannot be choosers I keep reminding myself and I just know I cannot stay up here all winter alone again. However, they are going to Park City and ? for three weeks and little Jimmy and Kelsi will probably be back for school in January when Camber and James go to Viet Nam for business!!! Wow. Anyway, I will be alone with the dogs so hope I can make my techy stuff work or my sisters or someone will come to visit. Life is so up in the there. Just remembered I have my appointment with the heart doctor tomorrow. I wondered when I will have a heart attack? There is that, too.
I have been experimenting with bone broth and decided it is a very healthy thing to keep up. Except for cheating on some milk chocolate chips I eat very healthy and I had a long time sore throat but after I drank the bone broth for a few days it went away. I was taking the bone broth for getting rid of belly fat but it cured the sore throat instead...oh, my, what is real anymore? I am not sure at all but it is healthy, I am sure of that and easy, if you can just find the bones.
So, do I finish my 80's book? Or do I not? Cannot decide, I guess I will just get rid of some more stuff today, that is always needed, for sure.
Here is what I do know. I am experimenting in cooking with the Instant Pot and so far have made delicious Split Pea soup with ham hocks!! I also took a whole bag of frozen chicken thighs and made chicken taco filling. Most delicious and oh, so easy. I need to get some accessories so I can try other of my favorite foods but I really think I can get rid of other utensils and will just take the Instant Pot with me when I go down to San Diego. Still, up in the air about taking my big computer or laptop, it is so hard for me to be decisive anymore.
I have also decided for sure not to buy Christmas gifts this year. What I contribute is not worth much and probably will not be missed and since James has paid me off I just do not have enough cash flow to take care of the basics without going into debt and I just cannot do that anymore, so Christmas without presents, for sure. I will have to think about how to spend it more wisely.
I am meeting Linda at the Sacramento airport on Dec 14 at 10:30 and going to stay at James and Camber's house. James is making lots of money and toying with the idea of getting a condo or something which they would use as income property and let me live in but very up in the air and I need to retain my house. I will probably end up in Jimmy's room as Kelsi wants to keep her room this year. Whatever beggars cannot be choosers I keep reminding myself and I just know I cannot stay up here all winter alone again. However, they are going to Park City and ? for three weeks and little Jimmy and Kelsi will probably be back for school in January when Camber and James go to Viet Nam for business!!! Wow. Anyway, I will be alone with the dogs so hope I can make my techy stuff work or my sisters or someone will come to visit. Life is so up in the there. Just remembered I have my appointment with the heart doctor tomorrow. I wondered when I will have a heart attack? There is that, too.
I have been experimenting with bone broth and decided it is a very healthy thing to keep up. Except for cheating on some milk chocolate chips I eat very healthy and I had a long time sore throat but after I drank the bone broth for a few days it went away. I was taking the bone broth for getting rid of belly fat but it cured the sore throat instead...oh, my, what is real anymore? I am not sure at all but it is healthy, I am sure of that and easy, if you can just find the bones.
So, do I finish my 80's book? Or do I not? Cannot decide, I guess I will just get rid of some more stuff today, that is always needed, for sure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)