Unfulfilled Wishes

I think, as adults, we try to fulfill those wishes we had as children that never came true. Which is why Baby John ended up with a red ranch wagon at the age of 3 (Richard's unfulfilled wish) and why I ended up with 7 Shirley Temple dolls in my 50's. It was 1939 and I wanted a Shirley Temple doll with all my heart. My mother knew that and had purchased one (though they were hard to come by). She had hidden it, along with all the other special Christmas presents for the six of us, at the store my dad managed downtown. Just before Christmas, a customer had pleaded with my Dad to sell him a doll and Dad, thinking the doll could be easily replaced, sold it to the man. Mother was furious, so I am told, because not one could be found at that late date. Thus my doll for Christmas was a substitute, building three things into my young mind. 1--You do not get what you wish for 2--Christmas can be very disappointing, so don't get your hopes up 3--If you really want something, you have to get it for yourself. Those three impressions stayed with me the rest of my life.

Mother had a friend named Bertha and she and her husband Bud had never been able to have children. We loved Bertha but her husband was a little gruff and frankly, he scared me. Bertha knew my desire and told me if I would just come to live with her for awhile she would see that I got my Shirley Temple doll. I don't remember discussing this with my mother but I am sure I did. I do remember packing a little suitcase and my brother Dick carrying it for me as we walked about a block to Bertha's house. It was getting dark so it must have been after supper. As we stopped in front of the house and looked up the stairs, there, lighted in the window, was Bud! I can still see him as if it were yesterday. He was sitting in his chair reading his paper. I was frozen. I could not go up those steps. Dick tried to encourage me but I would not move. Finally, with sadness in my heart, but no tears (no one would ever see me cry)I turned and slowly walked back home and I never got my Shirley Temple doll.

Many, many years later after the children were raised, and I was earning money, I told no one, but I starting buying my Shirley Temple doll(s) one by one.