Yesterday was the anniversary 21 years since the last birthday before his death. Not that I remember what we were doing, if anything. We were good about having our weekly date, for years, and that was on a Friday mostly, so I am sure we had a date. Our office was in Rancho Bernardo at that time so we would not have driven down to Seaport Village as we did during the years our office was in Clairemont. We were having money woes, probably just went to the Soup and Salad which was in RB at that time. I weighed almost 50 lbs more than I do now, but Richard was always sweet, he never complained about that and always told me I was beautiful and he loved me, a caring man. We had so much stress in our lives and then he was able to go to a better place and leave it all with me. What a difficult time for me and here I am, still alone after 21 years and as I told Michael, more a nuisance to the family than anything else. He says, "Nuisance it forward. Grandma, Nuisance it forward." I miss Michael, he was always enjoyable to talk to and nice to have around. I hope he finds someone to share his life with who is as kind as he is.
This is not a great picture but it was a happier time in our life and I had on my favorite dress. It was from India and I bought it in La Jolla. Why didn't I keep it.
I like this picture of Richard, he was always thinking, thinking, figuring out what to do. We had taken the girls to Hawaii, a client of Richards let us use the house. He was having business problems and was always thinking about them but I like the picture.
Martin called yesterday, he always calls on Richard's birthday and is very nice to chat with. At least I wasn't crying this time. When I told him about my dental woes, he shared his experience with using hydrogen peroxide and it sounds like what I need to to, he followed it with a email copy.
I really liked this picture, too, he always looked good in a V necked sweater. It looks like we were celebrating someones birthday at Ferrells.
It is always a sad week in August with both birthdays of John and Richard but then this terrible toothache came on suddenly and it was so painful. What was strange is that is was under a bridge. I thought I would see Dr Struve on Monday and resolve the issue but they were on vacation in Alaska!!! Still he returned my call and ordered strong antibiotics but didn't talk about what to do for the pain so I called Linda and Gary told me. Still I didn't use anything stronger than ibuprofen and the first three days were very painful. I was using ice packs on the swelling and then I used warm compression and that felt better but on Thursday morning the swelling was bigger than ever. After reading all the horrible things on the internet I called Gary again and then Dr Struve returned my call and he said that was ok, not to use the warm compression, just the ice and that the body was surrounding the bacteria with liquid to prevent to from going elsewhere. Sometimes it has to be lanced but usually not. He said I should come in Monday and they would check it out, I found a website of Columbia Med School and it said the same thing and was not nearly so frightening as the sites that want you to call a Dr. etc.
Anyway the week is almost over, I am so alone, and a nuisance, as usual. Hope you are having a great time up there, Richard, not so great here alone. But I am so fortunate to live in such a quiet, peaceful place where I feel safe, even if I am alone. Safe is an important thing nowadays.
Sister Thurgood brought me a wonderful organic soup yesterday by Harrys...will have to have more of those on hand...so kind of her. Made me feel less alone.
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