The Dilemma

Sent to Debbie in September after Marilyn had lived here for 4 months and her house was sold.

Debbie, I would like to try and explain one more time about the $15,000.  David was one who kept track of me after Richard died in bankruptcy and I had to take care of myself, sell my retirement home, and continue to work. Which I did till I was 79.  However, I never had benefits on those jobs.  He also kept track of Carole and realizing we would have problems in our old age he figured out a way to help us and that was to leave the money from the sale of his house to Carole and I.  He had discussed it with both Jeanne and Marilyn and they both volunteered that neither of them needed any help.  Jeanne has lots of property and Marilyn had money in the bank and a house free and clear.  

Dorothy had a separate account which had grown to over $250,000 and that was for her nieces and nephews and educating their children.  David thought the house would provide about $100,000.  He was the one person in the family who always found out where I was working for the government and called me on my birthday.  I really don’t think anyone else even realized what was going on in my life.  Thought I was rich I guess.

I lived with Linda and then James and then was able to buy the cabin in Lake Almanor which I had for 22 years.  Because I was in the mortgage business I knew who to go to for financing even though I was bankrupt.  I had a lifetime teaching degree, a securities license, an insurance license, a real estate license and I had already 16 years experience in the mortgage business..  I was going to do something and I received a loan and refinanced to better terms when I got the job with SBA.  I had a reverse mortgage on it so I could afford to live there even after I stopped working, but when the aortic stenosis was discovered I had to sell it and live where better medical was and the children.  Maria had already divorced and moved back to San Diego.

I could afford about two years of independent living but wasn’t expected to live so that did not matter except now I am still living and all my money is gone and Linda and Gary had always said, you use what money you have and then we will take you in when it is gone.  When I came to live at Treeo they were thinking they might even keep me here but due to selling their business which closes Friday I think that all changed and it is ok because I need to be back there for James and Kelsi.  Camber is not getting any better.  It is very sad.  James is struggling to keep it all together.

Now back to David.  He really thought Dorothy would die before he did.  He had called his insurance man who was his nephew Doug to put in the will about the house but he died before that happened I think though Carole thinks they did have the information but not a formal change.  At any rate David died and Dorothy went to an expensive retirement home and died later and it was after that the home was sold and the money sent out the way it was.

Jeanne and Steven immediately sent  $15,000 to Carole.  Steve even asked me, what if Marilyn won’t send you yours and I said, well, at least Carole will get the help she needs.  I talked to you and you said her children needed it, so I let it go.

But now Marilyn’s house is sold, she is set and I really thought you would realize I still need the $15,000.  My money is all gone and Linda is even having to pay for October because they are not ready for me till then.

That is the whole story though I do not know what Marilyn tells you, she changes her stories all the time.  I am sorry  she is having the dementia problems.  Mine has not hit yet.  If you still feel Marilyn deserves it and don’t see things as we do, I will respect that and not persist.  Otherwise it would be very helpful for me to receive the money as David intended.  

I really enjoyed you and Holly being here and it was so helpful to Marilyn.  I think she is enjoying it here and I know she likes having the meals and also people to talk to.  I can’t go with her to the Dentist on the 19th but Bobby said they would take her.  

Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to write it all down and let you kind  of know what happened because I am not sure you do.   And Marilyn trusts you and whatever you say is what she will do and that is a good thing that she has someone who will do what is best for her.

Love to all of you,  Janet

PS. The answer came back No, it is Marilyn's inheritance from David. I explained again that they were settling the estate as they had to and even if Dick were alive, he would have received a portion, too.  It was not David's inheritance, it was a settling of the estate and he intended to help his sisters, now Marilyn's children.  Their attitude is it is Marilyn's money and she can choose to use it anyway she wishes.  In light of her now having $750,000 for the sale of her house makes no difference.  And the fact that many of us know what Dave's intention was, it makes no difference. Debbie texted me to stop talking to Marilyn about it and so I have but it has been hard for me to understand both of their attitudes and harder to forgive than I imagined.  

Especially since we had taken in Sherry when she was just out of high school and she lived with us and Richard helped her get a car and taught her a profession and she moved out when she could support herself and married and had Zach.  And then when the marriage went bad they moved back in our home and were there until Zach was 3 and with her profession she was able to move to Austin where she wanted to live.  We never asked Marilyn and Arky for any help but we never charged Sherry rent.  We treated her as one of our own and she was must appreciative, especially of all the help Richard gave her.  They never offered any help and I am not even sure they thanked Richard for all he did.  

In spite of the fact that they both know my money is gone as I had no benefits from all my years of work.  Marilyn said I was rich and very unaware of my working until I was 79 to support myself.  Very strange.  Debbie said Marilyn scrimped all her life and that is why she has money.  (In other words I piddled mine away).  Richard spent our money on the business but our home was not worth much more than hers but Richard borrowed on it and when he borrowed on our retirement home that was the end for me.  I had to sell and support myself.  I had a hard time forgiving that, too but I did.  He worked very hard but he was dedicated to his service to his clients that last situation he tried to save them from took all our money.  I understood but it was very hard for me, for years.  Debbie did send me a check for $1500 for all the help I did to get Marilyn in and settled etc, etc, etc.  I really needed it so I could pay off my dental bills, etc.  But I intend to pay Linda and Gary back for October over time and I just wish I had some burial money.  I am having a very time forgiving this.  Those of us that know the situation all have a hard time understanding both Marilyn and Debbie's attitude.  I am spending my thoughts on my digitizing and reading and trying to forgive by ignoring.

Sept 25, 2020

Sarah

Sarah has been popping in to eat her lunch occasionally as she is now attending the Skin Institute which is over on State street.  She is really enjoying it and she looks very good.  They are exercising and eating well.  Ethan has added the Civil Engineering to his Contracting so school is a little harder but it will really be good for him I would think. 

 They had a great time in Galveston and went on to Columbia for a vacation. 

Calvin Debut

Beautiful Family

Amy and Calvin

Joe, Amy, Charli, Harper, Calvin

Charli and Harper get to hold Calvin.

Mommy Amy with Charli and Harper

Daddy Joe with Harper and Charli

Charli

Harper

 

Aortic Stenosis and Health Update

Jeanne and Marilyn are so weird when I try to explain about my health.  I will shut up about it.  Dementia is a very sad thing and you have to accept that they can never reciprocate in any way.  Their life is about themselves.  I just read that Happiness is Good Health and a Bad Memory.  That is them.  Marilyn thinks she is healthy because she golfed all her life.  It probably was more healthy than working 16 hours a day as I often had to do.  Jeanne thinks she is healthy because she did everything right and I suppose that might be true also.  She does eat more than she needs though but except for being chubbier than Marilyn it does not seem to bother her.  She wants to be totally independent and not have me wash and change her sheets or do any washing for her and I guess since I am leaving that is best.  Marilyn is not aware of Jeanne's needs at all.  I guess they will be fine unless they need more attention than they get here but they do have plenty of children to help them and that is really good.  Jeanne still has a sharp mind about some things.  If I cannot think of the word I want she usually comes up with it.  And she can carry on quite a good conversation about many things.  Marilyn has stock comments that she makes all the time to impress that she knows something.  I find my memory is getting worse.  That is a worry.

But I learned something interesting watching two documentaries on You Tube.  If you get aortic stenosis after age 70 it is because of the placque in your arteries.  You will go into about three stages.  In the angina stage you have about 5 years of life remaining.  In the dizziness stage your life is down to 3 yrs.  But the final state could be an heart attack anytime.  Can't remember what that stage is.

So since I was not really having symptoms in 2020 when they were trying to do a TAVR on me I really did not need one.  I am currently having angina from time to time so I guess I am still going to live a little while.  I need to keep my blood pressure down.  I do that with medicine but I also need to stay away from incidents that raise my blood pressure.

I am also not to exert myself too much so I need to monitor how much physical work I do and indeed take take those naps when I need to.  The walking with Sadie is excellent and three times a day would not be too much.

I am still not sure why I sometimes have leg aches and other times I don't but I keep trying to eat healthy and not eat too much sugar.

Lately I have been having too much caffeine.  Better just to rest and watch a slow tv show.  I am finding there are some good oldies on You Tube but the sound is not as good.  At any rate with my roku etc I have plenty of good tv to watch without being on the main channels with commercials.

I am having my smoothies most days for breakfast which really made me feel good.  I put in the protein powder, berry fruit, pineapple, banana, yeast, chia seeds, spinach and sometimes dates or prunes and always have cranberry juice (half water) with it.

The medications I take are a baby aspirin, oxybutynin 5 mg(2), escitalopram 10 mg, rosuvastatin 10 mg,  lisinopril 20 mg.  But supplements I take are Biotin, 1200 Citracal, Citrucel tablets, Azo urinary tract health, Multivitamin, allergy pill in am, Benadryl at night.  Also Generic Flonase at night.  I also occasionally have to use nitro pill for angina.  All these medications are up to date and with these medications I can control my bladder, lowered cholesterol, kept aortic stenosis to moderate, lowered blood pressure and been allergy symptom free and do not have stuffed nose at night disrupting my sleep, thus avoiding costly sleep aid machines.  I have had occasional knotting in my legs again, very painful and only at night and the raising of my feet way high takes them away.  Not sure what would happen without my bed but I remember getting one on my way to Guam on the plane and had several people giving me advice on what to do.  I stood in the aisle and what one man told me actually worked. Now I cannot remember what it was.  Dr. Serry did check my legs and nothing too bad there.

 I also have a face wash and cream to keep rosacea and eczema under control.  I seldom eat potatoes or rice, occasional bread and waffle, tangerines, dates, salad, and the above smoothie besides veggies and protein chicken or beef at supper. along with occasional homemade soup.  I remain constipation and diarrhea free and have energy and can walk upright and without aid with Sadie.  I do not have aches and pains except for occasional wrist pain and neck pain from too long at the computer. and occasional leg pain.  I use hearing aids from Costco and love that for listening to books, etc.  I watch our ward sacrament meeting online and can hear everything much better than attending church.  And I have corrective glasses which should be checked this year.  They are special for keeping the double vision away. 

I feel the health care I have received this year has been exceptional as was the health care I received from Arch Health in Rancho Bernardo except I was not impressed with my cardiologist here,.  When I return to Carlsbad I have a Dr. Pham at Scripps Coastal who will be my internist and have not been assigned a cardiologist or dermatologist yet.  So new doctors again, I hope I like them.  I have not been to a neurologist since 2019.  Can't remember who switched me to an aspirin a day but doctors since have wanted to keep it that way.  I am considered to have heart failure as well as other problems which I feel are pretty much under control on the present medications.  Not too much, not too little.  The rest is up to me.  As Dr. Serry said, "Keep doing what you are doing and no TAVR needed yet."  Dr. Jones pretty much said the same thing and he wants to see me one more time before I leave so I leave with the prescriptions etc all filled and no 6 month echo till Nov or Dec needed.

Eiler Family and John's Friend Rick

Today I received a very fun call from Janice and we chatted quite awhile and then she sent me these pictures.  Janice, she is the tiny one!  Janice and her husband lived in 7th Ward when we did and Rick was at our home a lot and I always enjoyed visiting with Janice and her husband. Very nice family with a set of twins and 3 others.  Janice lives in Scottsdale but travels around to visit the various families during the year.  We touch base in Carlsbad when she visits two of her sons in San Diego area.

 

Janice and Granddaughters

Grandchildren

 

Children and Grandchildren except for Rick's Family 

Rick and Janice

Rick was one of John's special friends and he came to visit me at Treeo in September 2022 and he is such an accomplished, charming man.  It was a delight to hear all about his interesting life.  John would have really enjoyed hearing about his adventures.  Rick emphasized that he really enjoyed spending time at our house and is still eating Tiger Bars.

The Leg Knots

Last night before midnight I was sleeping well when I awoke with a painful knot in first one leg and then the other.  I grabbed the bed operator and raised the bed as High as I could and rested my legs around Sadie until the pain subsided.  I don't know what would happen if I could not raise my legs like that.  I saw Miriam once do the same thing and it does work.  You should also eventually walk it off and just the same as I used to do for my back,  I also need to prevent clots by getting up and walking around about every half hour when sitting and doing computer work.

My life saver bed with Sadie sliding down from the back where she often sleeps

Love Notes from Our Children

A mother is always insecure as to whether she is doing all she can for her family.  These are notes I gathered once from cards, messages and letters from my children.  It is good to read them when you are feeling down about yourself.

😂😊

Never have made it through school without your support

Set a very good example for us

Always doing just the right things in life

You know so much about the Savior's Plan for us

You face life challenges with courage and grace and do it so well

Such an example of work ethic, spirituality, wisdom and beauty

Always been there for us 

I attribute all of the great qualities in Jimmy and your kids to the life you provided for them 

You were always there for me when I needed help

We hope we can be the support for you that you have been for us

Your love and friendship fulfills and enriches our lives

We grow and learn so much from you

Never too troubled with your own problems (no matter how great) always there for us with time, 

           money, or talk, or whatever we need

Patience and unconditional love and understanding that you had with us

Hope I can find a wife who will be as great a mother as you

Raised our family well

Thanks for allowing me the freedom to choose my own destiny

Learned a lot from you and Dad about honest hard work, I hope I'll be able to follow your example

            in omy own pursuits of excellence and success

Spiritual and emotional strength

Tackle life's challenges with finesse

Had and felt love in our home

Help and support--always being there for us

Go extra mile

Time, effort and thought in all you do

Good role model

Wisdom and strength

Faith and Humor

Wise and understanding

Unconditional love and non-judgmental

Loved your children so much

Taught them well

Love and attention

Thanks for always being there--soon it will be my time to be there for you

Always accepting and loving

Given me the confidence to succeed or at least try--I've never been afraid to fail because I know you would love me just the same--You try so hard to keep everyone happy

You raised me well--I won't fail you in the end

Supportive of us, emotionally, spiritually, monetarily--your support has been a blessing in our life

Respect and admiration for you 

You have wonderful children, they reflect your character and love

I notice there is nothing about a clean house, clothes, food, toys, nothing material at all!!!

Sadie, Sadie, Shady Lady

I finally had the mobile pet grooming come and do Sadie and I love the way she looks.  Someone recommended the schnauzer cut but I like the puppy cut.  Cameron took 2 1/2 hrs with her.  He said the older dogs he goes slower with and lets them rest.  She was very happy but tired.  He mentioned four different breeds he could see in her.  I think it took him longer because he was parked in front and others  asked him about his service and really liked what they saw with Sadie.  So, it was good for his business parking in front!!!  It is expensive though but a much better experience for her than sitting in a cage at the salons most of the day.  The Petco moved out of their Center St location which necessitated this.  And he said yes, she is getting grey!!!!  She is such a happy dog, she is a pleasure and she does not bark but knows how to let me know what she needs.  I think it is funny that people always call her puppy and want to pet her.

 

Massey Family and Women Soccer

The Masseys have some great activities with their friend's families.  Here they are at the Snapdragon Stadium in Mission Valley.  It replaced the Murph Stadium and Eden's Soccer friends are watching the Women's Team,  the Waves!!

Keira

Eden

Nico has his own best buddy so it is fun for him, too.

The famous Tony Gwynn has a message!

I can see Matt, Nico, Eden Meagan and Keira

Meagan said Keira is the only of her children that will pose with her right now!!  I love how their pants fit and Meagan's sweater.  

Thanks Masseys for the news!

 

Updating My Dresser

The person who bought my dresser and bedside tables is a refinisher, restorer and sell for profit gal.  Lovely person and she loved my 60's pecan wood furniture but wanted to update it to light for these modern times.

This is what she did and she has the three pieces for sale at $1400.  I hope she gets it.  That is a lot of work!!!  I like the way the dresser looks a lot better than the original.  Very classy!

 

Masseys on the Move

Eden and Keira wanted to be on the screen at the Padres ball game and so took pictures like this for Western night!!  I love them.  I never liked wearing hats much but I loved wearing cowboy boots!!  So dang cute!

Keira has been active in Girl Scouts for years and I have always admired Meagan for being so involved in this great program.  You learn so much.  For me it was Camp Fire girls, does that still exist?

Is Nico learning to swim, I think so.  Yea for Nico!!!  I remember when Keira was a tot and getting swimming lessons at Lake Almanor and lots of attention.

Is this the Padre game?  Meagan and Matt always have fun activities and trips planned.  Living a great life I think!!  I wish I knew what they are looking at!  Using all these exclamation points makes me think of something.  I used to type college papers for Meagan's Dad John when he was at UCSD.  I had all the equipment and often down time at the office.  And I remember he was supposed to make a contribution to some Family News or something and so I typed it for him and when I put an exclamation point on it he said to take it off.  That was something he never used and they would know he had not written it.

Eden is always ready for a new adventure and these boogie boards? look really fun!  Yea for the beach and parents who see you get plenty of beach time.

Great picture but where exactly is it? La Jolla Shores?  So great to have friends along for activities.

 

All Anderson Sisters Together

 Carole is the youngest and will be 84 in November, I will be 90 in January, Marilyn will be 92 in April and Jeanne will be 94 in July, 2023 so we are old ladies, something we probably never imagined would happen.

It was kind of funny because we met at a familiar Mexican Restaurant but times had changed and we were the only ones to be waited on and everything took forever.  It appeared there was only one lady there to do everything!!!!

But the good part was we were able to talk, talk, talk and we heard some stories from each other we had not heard before so that was very fun.

Here is a picture from about 47 years ago. 

And from about 74 years ago.

The reason we met at that particular restaurant was to meet Carole's friend Nell from their teaching school days in San Diego in the 60s.

Carole's friend Alyce has been Carole's friend since second grade in Glendive and Carole had come down from Montana to visit her for a week and also see her sisters at Treeo.

Friends are forever.

Mitch and Kham

Big boy Kham is in to kayaking!!!  It Is a great life.

 

I like Spider Webs

Someone brought up spiders at the supper table the other night and I talked about my fascinating spider webs at Lake Almanor.  I like to watch them!!!

 

Linda and Maria in Copenhagen in 2009

I was looking for my spider picture and ran across this darling one of Maria and Linda on our Scandinavian trip in 2009!!  Such beautiful and talented daughters.

 

Coco-Eight Months

 

Sober Little Ro

 

Molly's Boys lst Day of School

Molly out with the lady friends.

Scott and Miriam's Family Gathering in Vineyard

Richard's older brother Scott died in 1962 from heart problems and left a family of six and Miriam pregnant with Jenny.  Miriam did a fantastic though very difficult job of raising them, finishing her college degree and becoming a teacher in the Las Vegas schools.

 Rebecca in Oregon; Lory, who passed last year; Matt in Seattle (but coming to Mapleton; Alan in Boulder City; Merlin in Las Vegas; Julia in Provo; and Jenny in Orem. 

 They were all living in Las Vegas while growing up and Richard spent a lot time visiting them, baptizing, etc etc.  Much of the time I would come with him and sometimes he would just take a couple of the children. 

 They stayed at our house one whole summer while Miriam was recuperating from an accident and Matt came and worked at Sea World and then later Richard helped Alan and Matt and another nephew work in his business for awhile until they found their own lifelong pursuits.   We have always loved these children.

 They are such a loving family and I was so surprised when Julia and Gregg came to visit me when I moved to Treeo and then Alan and Elaine came up and we lunched with Jenny and Julia and then I saw Jenny at Smiths and we have been connecting quite a bit as she and her children have volunteered to help me get ready to move back to California.  They have helped me get rid of furniture, bring me lots of boxes, and take endless boxes to Savers.  I have appreciated their help so much.

It has been so fun to get to know their children and grandchildren and so hard to believe they are all grandparents now.  We have lost touch over the years but Richard started the Hardy Reunions at Torrey Pines and they were always fun and then Richard passed in 1996 and I moved to Lake Almanor and we lost touch.

Jenny picked me up to go to a family gathering at the home in Vineyard of Julia's daughter Sarah and husband Javier.

I am going to attempt to name them and I am still learning so may make some errors.  I did not get pictures and names of everybody.  Matt's daughter and son's families have recently moved to Mapleton from Seattle.

Sarah and Javier next to Julia,  Sarah is Julia and Gregg's daughter.

Jenny and Julia and Gregg's daughter Launa on left.

Matt's son Cameron and his wife Kery.

Heidi's family Mark Davis and daughter and son.

Heidi is daughter of Lory and Ivan.

We have quite a variety of children as two Dad's are from Peru, one is Greek, and Tay is Hawaiian and then we have the rest.  All are darling.

Gregg Nielsen (Julia's husband), Cameron's wife Kery and Cameron (Matt's son)

Ivan, Lory's husband, Mark Davis and Heidi (Lory and Ivan's daughter) and son 

Nate Darias in backgrounders, husband of Launa (daughter of Gregg and Julia)   

Savannah, daughter of Heidi and Mark

 

Tay with daughter Jenna; wife Jenny;  Juan, husband of Jenna, and Jacob, son of Juan and Jenna.

Nate Darias, husband of Launa (daughter of Gregg and Julia)

Gregg with daughter Sarah and husband Javier

Julia and Jenny

Jenna and Juan

Loretta, daughter of Heidi and Mark Davis

Jennifer, Matt's daughter on right and Nalani, Jenny and Tay's daughter

Lory and Ivan's son Merlin and family.

Heidi and Mark Davis family

Konani, daughter of Nalani and Mac

Heidi and Mark Davis son

Heidi, Lory and Ivan's daughter; Jenny, Miriam and Scott's last daughter; Loretta, Heidi's daughter

I took quite a few of my paper dolls that I thought girls in this era would like and she definitely does, thanked me for bringing them and went right to work cutting and coloring.

Several children went in and out of the playhouse and loved the plastic dishes to play with.

The houses all have a gate that enters into a large park with lots of equipment and others cannot enter your gate from the park.