If You Don't Have a Dream...

Lea and I have been watching the Rodgers and Hammerstein Musical "South Pacific" and one of the songs is "If you don't have a dream, How you gonna make a dream come true" (polynesians singing English). Reminded me I am supposed to be deciding what I want to do with the rest of my life. So what is my dream? Or do we ever get to choose anyway? Isn't it just like John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans?" I think so and I have always hated to want something for fear of being disappointed. Seems that is what always happens if you really want something. I got that lesson early with my Shirley Temple Doll and I think that is why it is so hard for me to set goals and make plans. I would rather not be disappointed.

In "SOUTH PACIFIC" you have your "cockeyed optomist". I guess I am the cockeyed pessimist. I have also been thinking I need to review my "25 Things I Want to Do Before I Die" or as the recent movie called it, "My Bucket List". I think I did most of the ones I chose 11 years ago and need to choose some more. Now I know this shoots down my theory of not planning because of disappointment possibilities but I didn't think they would really happen and so I wouldn't have been disappointed if they hadn't and then they just did. Strange now that I think about it. I think I have had my heart broken too many times though to want anything too much again.

So how do people know what they want to do with their life and where do their dreams come from? I remember when I was a senior in high school all I wanted to do was get married after I graduated and my brother talked me into going to college--which I am very happy for but it wasn't my dream. My friend Carla had many dreams and plans for what she wanted to do--because of that drive she became "Miss Montana" and was on Broadway, on TV, had multiple careers. Why do some people know exactly what they want and the rest of us become the audience or the enabler or just do what someone else needs us to do??? I wish I had the answers.

What do I want to do with what is left of my life??? I wish I had a dream...

So what things did I want that actually came true? When I was in college I thought it would be neat to live in California. But I went back to Montana by choice and then ended up in California anyway, and I have lived here for 52 years. When I first moved to San Diego, I saw La Jolla and said I wanted to live there some day but I did not actively pursue it. I lived there for 20 years. One of my "25 list" was to go to Sweden. I went there in 2000 but I had not actively pursued that either. I wanted to be a fulltime Mom and wife and I was that for 20 years before other forces took me into the career life. I had always wanted to live in the mountains and finally achieved that in 1999. Hmm, so I guess the thought or dream is the beginning...

So what do I want to do with the rest of my life??? I wish I had a dream...