Christmas Blues, 2015

It is that time of year again when you feel most alone, when you are alone, or you feel that nobody loves you.  It has been 19 years since that first Christmas when I was alone after Richard died.  Hard to believe.  I prayed last night that I would feel joy instead of gloom and think correctly instead of feeling sorry for myself.  It is not true that nobody loves me, but it seems that way.

Luckily a few more ladies took the time to chat with me at church today.  That is always good and then just a few minutes ago I found a lot of comments that had been written on my blog but I guess I don't have them show on my blog so I did not realize they were there but they are all saved, amazing.  I don't know why I can't figure it out.  Anyway it was pure joy to go back and read some of the things that have been said to me, very kind and loving things.  That brings me joy, also Linda liked getting her cookies.  I am always unsure about sending goodies to the Pulsiphers, not sure they will eat them...glad she was happy to eat them.

I enjoyed going on Carole's Facebook and seeing the movies Steve has been putting on.  There were some from 1959 of Richard and I when we were living in our first apartment.  We looked good and happy, he looked handsome and I looked pretty, couldn't have been married more than a couple of months I think.

I am so glad I am not alone this winter.  I enjoy being at Marilyn's.  She talks a lot more to her children than I do.  I don't know why that is, my fault or???  She is a talker.  She thinks I am a talker.

I love looking at the pictures of all the grandchildren and great grandchildren.  It would be nice if I could see them more but I don't know how that could be.

It is cold, I should have gotten to bed when it was still warm...better put on my long thermals tonight.
Sadie likes to wear her coat to bed and then have me tuck the afghan all around her, too.  She loves it that Marilyn plays with her so much with throwing the ball and taking her walking, I think Marilyn enjoys her, too, but does not want to get a dog of her own.

When you are old and alone you feel expendable, invisible, unnecessary, it is a sad way to feel, old age is no fun, today I had such a neck ache and I know it is from bending over and doing the puzzle, but I like to do the puzzle, what to do, what to do.

Christmas Care Packages, 2015

Linda liked her Christmas package, she posted this on Facebook!


When your mom makes your favorite Christmas cookies and sends them in the mail ❤🐽.





Maria said she better check her box, hope she didn't check it on Saturday because I put a big box for her and the boys and Johnny and they said it would not get there until Monday!!!

Eating Out

Today it was very icy when we got to church, in fact, a man came to help us walk on the ice.   But when we left church, the sun was shining and the roads and walks were melted.  We ate lunch at "On the Border" today, last Sunday it was "Outback".  Price about the same for lunch but "Outback" was better.  We did have excellent chips today though.  In RS they had a little brunch but when I saw there was nothing to drink I went to the fountain and ate mine.  I am so afraid I will choke without water nearby.  A little toddler who wanders from person to person spent most of RS with us.  She wanted me to open her bottle and help her drink it.  Then she put her little feet on my boots and loved it when I moved my feet up and down.  She stayed the whole time with Marilyn and I until she wandered over to where they had a pile of fake gifts and took off the bow and brought it to us.  Marilyn told her to take it back, which she did, but it was then stuck to her hand and she could not get it off so thought she better leave us and took the bow with her.


Definitely my eating out has improved while I have been here.  Other places I have eaten are "Montana Grill" which had superb Angus Beef, "Bonefish" where I had excellent fish and chips, "Smashburger" which had the Angus Beef hamburger, which was a little over done, but good... and Jack in the Box where we had tacos and shakes and the mall where we had Chinese!!!


We have bought the Angus Beef twice for hamburger and steak and it is better, costs twice as much though.  Marilyn has a double Foreman cooker which cooks two quarter pounders in three minutes...to perfection!!!


Marilyn said the Taco Salad I make is far superior to the one she had at "On the Border" today.  That is good.  I also make the Spinach Salad a lot and some of my veggie dishes.  I make my yogurt each week also.


I have done a lot of Christmas baking and sent most of it away but we loved the Ginger cookies with frosting and the new chocolate chip cookie, two new recipes besides the old standbys.  I also have a new penoche recipe which I like better than my old one.  Marilyn collects recipes but I have been doing most of the cooking.  Need to try some more new things.


Sadie was lucky again today, she got her walk, it is so beautiful and warm.  It snows and it melts...

Marilyn Writes About Glendive in 1947

This was a handwritten essay we found with Marilyn's records.

Remembrances of Glendive and School Days by Marilyn Anderson Smith

(written in 10th grade of high school)

We had a big Tom cat and we all loved him but when Carole was born he either ran away or some people poisoned him.  We all felt sad because we had really loved him.  I think he was jealous. 

Jeanne and I also had a favorite dress.  It was red taffeta and I liked mine very much.  I have my picture taken a number of times in it.

When Carole was born we needed a larger house so we moved to the heights where we still live.  It's on a hill all by itself so we call it "the house on the hill".

The next morning after we got the furniture there we went on a trip to Ogden.  All we had in the bedroom was the bed and it certainly looked funny.  We left at two in the morning so we didn't get much time to enjoy it.

We were only a half block from the pool so when we got back we spent most of the time swimming. We had hated to leave our friends but since we could still visit back and forth, it wasn't so bad.

We went on a lot of hikes, too. As we were just a little way from the hills.

The big event was when we learned how to swim and could jump off the five and ten boards; we'd run to the phone and call and tell Mom all about it.

I was one who loved to dress up, and I didn't always use discretion.  I liked to put a tight belt on everything I wore.  Once when we were going for a ride, I sat nonchalantly with mother's good hat on.  Another time it wasn't until we were all in church that I was discovered wearing my mother's high heels.  I really must have been a trial.

One of the Christmas's I remember was when I was about four and we three, Jeanne, Janet and I received dolls and buggies.  We had our picture taken with them.  Pat and Donna Schultz, who lived next door, got in it, too.

Our first trip back to Utah was a great event.  We met so many relatives that when we went to Salt Lake and the ‘Pen’ was pointed out to us, Janet asked if we had any relatives there.  Of course, we didn't.

The high-light of the trip was having our picture taken with my father's grandfather, who was then 93 years old.

Grade School Days

I started the first grade in the Lincoln School.  The first thing I remember when I first stepped in the room was a girl standing by the window crying.  I don't know if she was scared of us or just scared of starting school.  

My first grade teacher's name was Miss Strate.  I liked her very much and just read where she was chosen out of hundreds of teachers to go to Germany and teach.  We had a double room with the second grade, so some of the time when they had a class we didn't, we went to Miss Russell's room.  I remember the children in her room would always be going to her desk and it seemed that their work was so much harder than ours, but I guess it just seemed harder.

I had a lot of fun in that class.  It was the only time Norma got to be with me.  I caused her a lot of trouble by doing something to make her laugh and she would have to sit in the corner or else in the baby chair the sixth grade had made for us.  I never did.  I don't know why not.  In fact I never did stand in the corner except once for talking to a boy when the teacher had told us not to and that didn't happen until second grade.

There were only two boys in our first grade class, so naturally Norma liked one and I the other.  I made a big fool on Valentine's Day over him.  Once I wanted to ask him something and he ran away because he thought I was going to kiss him.

I went to the first three years in the Lincoln School before we moved to the Heights.

My second grade teacher was Miss Manning and she had had Dave and Jeanne before me so she alternated between calling me all the names.  Once we were skipping around the building with her during recess and she fell and sprained her ankle.  We didn't know what to do, but we felt awfully sorry because we liked her so much.

In the Rhythm Band I played the sticks and the triangle.  I liked playing in it but I certainly got tired of the sticks, da-da da, over and over.

I loved to take my lunch because then we got to drink the milk from the school and play games.

The next year I had Miss Manning's cousin, Miss Faltimeyer who is Mrs. Wing now.  I liked her too and I see her quite a bit now.

The time the river piled up cakes of ice and flooded over was a new experience to us.  We spent the day watching it.  Dick and Dave forgot to go to school after lunch and mother made them scrub the basement steps as punishment.

I missed my best friend after we had moved.  Her name was Norma Fryslie and she still is my friend even though she has moved away.  I remember the first day she moved here, I sat on the curbing across the street.  It was a funny sight to see, she and her brother got out of the car and the first thing they did was run around the house, they went quite a number of times.  Norma said later they hadn't wanted to miss anything.

One fourth of July, Dad had a float in the parade from the store and Janet and I got to ride on it.  We enjoyed it very much, especially since we got to carry a little paper umbrella, we both took turns.

As I grew older, Mom let us go up to the swimming pool by ourselves.  Lots of time we'd take our lunch and stay all day.  

That summer we moved to the Heights and when we got back from our trip to Utah I learned to ride the bike.  I'd start on the top of the hill and I couldn't work the brakes very well so no matter which way I'd turn at the bottom I'd take a flop, straight over the curbing.  After quite a number of flops I finally made it.

In the fourth grade I had Miss Livingston and as I remember it seems we argued almost all year.  If it wasn't this it was that, mostly just arguing about little things, like I said I could see steam and she said it was not but it still looked like steam to me.

My fifth grade teacher was Miss Stipick.  I like her but not as well as some of the others.  Once my eye looked pink to her and she thought I was getting the pink eye, so at recess she sent me home.  I stayed home that day and the next I went to the doctor and he said it wasn't anything.  I hadn't felt sick at all so I just had a little vacation.

That spring we were afraid that gas rationing would come because of the war.  That was the year 1941 so terrible to many people.  On Easter vacation we packed and left.  We planned to leave three days before but Carole got the three day measles so we missed school after instead of before and we had our work all made up for before, too.

During the summer I would swim, hike and just enjoy myself.  It was fun to look forward to school, but often we'd go for a while it wasn't quite as much fun.

In the sixth grade I had a lot of fun mostly because our teacher Miss Gudrun Kolberg made it that way.  She made the work fun and interesting, everyone liked her.  In singing class Miss Livingston chose six people to form a sextet and I was in it.  We sang at church and other places.  That year there was an "Amateur Hour" held at the high school and we sang for that; we didn't win and I certainly felt foolish because the song was such a simple baby song but we got a few claps.

Miss Kolberg got married about Christmas time, so the rest of the year we had Mr. McDonald.  I liked him even though some of the kids that had had him before said he was little strict, but he wasn't too much with us.

G. A. A. initiation (high school) was quite awful.  We had to wear a lot of funny clothes and anything another member told us to do we had to do it.  After school we had a picnic across the bridge and we had to go through town with those clothes on.  

I also joined Rainbow and the first meeting I went to I was put in the bow.

I didn't buy an annual and at the end of the first year I was very sore with myself because I hadn't.  I made it a point this year to get one.

A little after school was out we went to Ogden for a short visit.  We spent most of the time traveling around visiting relatives.  We did get to Salt Lake one day, but didn't have time to do anything but go down one street and window shop because we had to meet Dad, then we sat for an hour in the hotel waiting for him.

On the way back to Ogden we stopped at Laguna, a fun resort.  I was in a dress so I couldn't enjoy myself thoroughly but I had a lot of fun.  The main reason we wanted to go was to ride on the roller coaster and it wasn't working.  That was the first year since the war that the resort was open at all.

Some Pix from 2015

My sister Marilyn in front of her tree.

The pix I sent as my photo for 2015 

A collage I did for Marilyn to send to family.

A collage I did on my house previous to the storm on July 3 when all my pretty flowers were ruined.

A new picture found at Marilyn's house on Dad when in Blackfoot, Idaho in 1919.

A picture found at Marilyn's, I was in the 7th grade!

 I think this was 1951.

Walks and Puzzles

We try and take Sadie on a short walk every day.  The snow comes and the snow melts.  It is a beautiful neighborhood and the sky changes all the time.  The sun seems very close.

An especially beautiful sky one evening.

Marilyn and Sadie, she usually has her shoes on before me so he looks to her for the walk, more than me.

 Marilyn's house.

First Puzzle completed!!

This puzzle is so hard, will I ever finish????

Christmas Letter 2015 from Colorado

Merry Christmas 2015!  The pictures on my Christmas Card this year come from the Birthday Week I spent in San Diego area in January of this year.   Maria had rented me a timeshare in Carlsbad near the beach and Matt, my grandson, drove with me and stayed with me. 


 We spent the week enjoying family with eating out and visiting.  Everyone was there except for three of the grandchildren.

Significant  group events of the week was the spreading of my son John’s ashes from his favorite surf spot “Bathtub Rock” at Torrey Pines and sharing memories about him, remembering Richard, my husband, at his gravesite, and celebrating my birthday party.  Pictures are from those events.

When we gathered to walk down to Bathtub Rock from Torrey Pines Beach the tide was too high so we went out to a Mexican Brunch after sharing stories about John and his love for surfing, hiking, and other things we loved about him.  Later in the day we walked down to Bathtub Rock just before the sunset.  It was a memorable event.

Frenchie Pulsipher, grandfather of the Pulsipher grandchildren was also being visited that week.  His life was also coming to a close and family gathered to visit him and show their love.  After visiting him and Marilyn one day we drove to El Camino Park and gathered to share memories about Richard.  Most of the grandchildren did not know him at all and they appreciated hearing these stories.

At this time of the year it is a joy to think about all my family and how blessed I am that they are in my life.  All of my children-- Maria and her husband Johnny, Linda and her husband Gary with daughter Sarah, and James, Camber and their children Jacob, Lea, Jimmy and Kelsi live near each other on the coast of North San Diego. 

Maria’s children are scattered on both coasts but I always love keeping in touch with Matt, Melissa, Mike and Mitch and having them come to Lake Almanor to visit me.  Tanner P recently married Marissa and is going to BYUI and Kelly P is also finishing her education at BYUI.  Craig is working in L A. 


 I was so happy to be able to be at Tanner’s Wedding at the Salt Lake Temple and join with family in celebrating.  Amy will be marrying Joe on January 2 and I will be in San Diego for the Temple wedding there.  


Meagan, Matt, Keira and Eden are anxiously expecting a new family member in December and I will be excited to see him also in January. 


 Kristi, Mike, Kate, Brynn, Ryan and Molly are living in Nevada but I get to see them at family events, too.  Love all the family and enjoy their pictures on Instagram.

I am spending the winter in Golden, CO with my sister Marilyn.  She was recently widowed and it is a comfort for both of us to not be alone this winter.  It appears it may be a long, cold one.  Sadie is loving it here chasing bunnies and having two to dote on her.

 Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Thanksgiving

We have been eating our Thanksgiving dinner everyday, now and still have some left and I have gained 5 lb s.  I need to get back to not eating  sugar again.  We made a lot!!!! 

Strangely I have not had too upset a digestion system but I do make my yogurt and eat it every day, helps so much.  I made pumpkin bread twice for give aways and peanut brittle which was really good, too and a new recipe for cchip cookies and ginger snaps which were both good, a lot is in the freezer but I haven't had so many goodies around for a long, long time.  Marilyn has a bad back so I do most of the cooking but except for raking up some leaves, outside work is minimal.  I bought a puzzle which we finally finished but now I have another and it will really be hard.

It has been very cold here, too, and the snow is still on all the trees and it has snowed a lot and is not melting this time but the roads were pretty clear from here to Marilyn's Ward which is fairly close, so that is good and shopping is near.  Sadie has not had a walk outside for about 4 days but she has the nice back yard and continues to spot a bunny or two  which makes her run a little.  Marilyn's granddaughter was here on the weekend, she lives in Colorado Springs and had a challenge with the roads, luckily she missed the big pile ups there on Saturday nite and Sunday.  Marilyn keeps her home very warm so that is nice and not having to worry about wood and making a fire is good so it has been nice here. I have been wearing my long johns to bed and threw on an extra down quilt the last few nights.

It snowed and was very cold for the Bronco, Patriot game on Sunday and I stopped watching it when the Patriots were 14-0 so surprised the Broncos won, wow, amazing and with out Peyton Manning, too.

Have only seen one movie since coming and Marilyn only likes happy endings so watch a lot of Hallmark, and I try and keep up with my regular shows by ON DEMAND, she does not use a recorder but has 4 tvs!!!

I miss my home and my movies and seeing everyone at home but time is going fast.  I hate to fly but I am flying to San Diego on the 30th for Amy's Temple Wedding on Jan 2 and then I am flying back here on the 8th, hope that all goes well.  I hope all is well at my house.  All of Maria's boys are in San Diego and helping to rebuild the Rasimas house in La Jolla.  Will be like a duplex kind of when completed.  But it had to be gutted and plumbing all redone and they are adding a deck and new windows and all new inside except for a few walls of paneling and flooring that was still good.   

Happy Thanksgiving Letter

I sent this to my family by email.

Happy Thanksgiving Family!

Hope you have a wonderful week! 

How are things wherever you all are this week?  What are your plans for the holiday?  Marilyn and I will be alone except for Marilyn’s granddaughter who works in Colorado Springs will be coming for the weekend.  Neither one of us want to fly anywhere, her family have all been here recently.  Between the two of us we have family scattered throughout California, Nevada, Texas, Idaho, Utah, Montana, Colorado, Minnesota, and North Carolina, but we are alone, ha.

We have had three snowstorms but the sun comes out and it is gone soon, it is cold at night but the sunshine shines in the day.  We stay off the roads until it is all melted.  The sun is so bright and close.  Hope you saw my recent pix on Instagram, the sun was amazing at sunset.

We have made too many goodies for Thanksgiving but she has some friends she wants to take some things too.  I am doing most of the cooking but am enjoying that.  She has a lot more aches and pains than I do but Sadie is still getting a lot more walking between the two of us than she did before.

Marilyn has a lovely large home so it is like living in a nice hotel where I am the head chef.  We have only seen one movie so far but have lots to watch on TV.  We have been out to lunch at least twice a week or more since I arrived.  I like the Montana Grill and Bonefish the best.  She belongs to two groups from her last ward and her new one and one goes to lunch and one has potluck.  Montana Grill is Ted Turner’s place and the beef was to die for!!!

Friday we went to “Tuesday Morning” and I bought a round puzzle which will keep us busy for the holidays, it is hard!!!  And then she has two Hallmark channels so that, too.  I also brought Roku so TV’s are busy!!

Send pix on Instagram and love to skype or get emails or phone calls, miss seeing everyone, love you all!!!

The tree is up!!

Replica of Glendive, there is the Andersons Store in the middle with Hagenstons, Meissners Grocery Store, Rose Theater, the Railroad, and our house on the hill!!!

Linda Shares Her Feelings

Today Linda shared this:

I spent 5 hours in the temple yesterday (working) and when I came home, I felt prompted to write what I was feeling, open a Wordpress account and share it on Facebook. (Really scary) You know how much I hate to write, but I think the spirit directed me and helped me to do it. 

Today I received a private message from an old friend that was directed to my site. She told me she had really been struggling and my words were an answer to her prayers. There you go, a testament that the spirit really does work through us to answer prayers. (And other people have been really nice too) 😊

It's been over a week since I heard about the new LDS church polices regarding same-sex married couples. Over the last few days I have experienced a range of emotions, shock, confusion, anger, bitterness, but most of all sadness. If you don’t love someone that is gay, you might not understand why this hurts so much.

We first learned of our son’s same-sex attraction over 10 years ago, I remember many of the same feelings, shock, confusion, fear, but mostly sadness for what my son’s life might look like. Over the last ten years I have learned a lot about my son and what this is like for him. I have also read and listened to scores of stories from other lds lgtbq individuals. My heart breaks for them. If you haven’t taken the time to learn from some of these amazing, courageous, brave, souls, you should. Over the years I have learned more about Christ like love and compassion than I ever thought possible. I also gained a greater testimony of Jesus Christ, the atonement and received very powerful confirmation that none of us are forgotten of the Lord. We are all his children.

Over the last few years I have learned to navigate this space between two truths. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ and have a deep testimony of the restoration and the Book of Mormon. I love the temple and cherish the covenants I have made there with my Heavenly Father. I also see these beloved lgtbq children of our Heavenly Father, not one of them asked for this challenge in their life. Their gender/sexual identity is innate, it is part of who they are, and trying to hide or pretend that it is not is very damaging to their mental and emotional well-being.

How do these precious children grow up safely in a church that teaches them that they are broken and their families and God will reject them if they affirm these natural attractions? I ponder this question every day. The answer to that question just became even more distant. Knowing of the pain that exists and feeling helpless is heart wrenching. How do we reach our closeted youth so that they will know they will be loved regardless? How do we tell our same-sex married families that we love them and we want them to stay with us, even if they have to do so as visitors, we have so much to be gained from them. Since the policy change, I fear we will lose even more of these families and that makes me sad, very sad. Why would a same-sex married couple bring their children to a church that tells them they will have to move out of their parents home to be baptized? I have no words for this message, why would anyone do that? These individuals need to know that they will be loved no matter what their path looks like and they are welcome and wanted with all their unique and beautiful qualities in our families and church. This needs to be a message delivered to all our lgtbq friends, especially our closeted youth that suffer alone. Our message just got incredibly difficult if not impossible to deliver.

Sadly, many leave the church because they don’t feel welcome when they can’t conform to the roles that are expected from their heterosexual peers. I am in awe of the few brave souls that continue in their faith in the gospel and desire to remain in their wards, even when they have to do so as non-member visitors after church discipline. Their testimonies strengthen mine in a deep and powerful way. We need them in our wards.

My heart hurts for all of these brave souls that already have broken hearts. Whatever the good intentions of the “policy”, it hurts to see my friends hurt. Seeing how it has played out over the last few days reminds me of the story of the Good Samaritan. The policy came out, and our lgtbq friends and allies were stung, hurt, confused. The story teaches us about the priests and Levites that saw the suffering and passed on their way. I have seen many good church members and leaders do this very thing. I saw comments on Facebook about separating the wheat and the tares. I saw comments of accusing people of not having a testimony of prophets, so they should leave. But, mostly it is the silence, people not wanting to understand how this policy hurts families right now. When we see someone suffering, as Disciples of Christ, we should reach out and let them know that we care about them and we love them and no “policy” is going to change that. Sadly, that is not what I saw this last week. And it makes my heart very heavy and sad.

From Utah to Colorado

Yesterday Bobby S drove me from Jeanne's house is Provo to Golden, Co.  It was a very pleasant easy drive and you use the southern route.  It was a beautiful drive and we went through Vail but did not stop there.

Safely arrived. I am at my sister Marilyn's house..  Easy trip over, sunshine and bare land all the way until a few mountains and ski areas just before we got to Golden.  I will be living in the lap of luxury for awhile.  Huge room with wi fi, tv, place for computer stuff and empty closets, large room.  Feel like I am in a hotel!!