We Were the Mulvaneys

I finished "We Were the Mulvaneys"--at times it was a hard book to read, a family not having the tools they needed to deal with the sometimes tragic realities of life.

The Mulvaneys, a family living in the small, rural town of Mt. Ephraim, New York, during the later part of the 20th century, are the perfect family: four kids, the owners of a successful roofing business, and a high social status. We Were the Mulvaneys tells the tale of the demise of this perfect family—an incident that is hushed up in town and never spoken of again. It is this incident that shatters the family fabric with tragic consequences.--Wikepedia

It is a book where you continually think "if only"--if only she had done this, if only he had felt this, if only she had said this.  Unfortunately there are many "if only" moments in our life because we are not equipped with the right thoughts, the correct understandings, the truth, the correct values, the strength, the compassion, the love, the tenderness--all the basic things we need to navigate the relationships, careers, marriages, events, etc. of our life.  That is why I am so thankful I have been anchored in a "trust in God" belief.  Without it, I would not have been able to muddle through the many personal tragedies and difficulties or even appreciate the many blessings of my life.  I could have been broken so many times or too full of fear to move on...

I was thinking about the moments in my life that have become indelible in my mind.  Little vignettes that are always there for instant recall and feelings, such as:

...being helped down from a tree by my brother when I was about 4 or 5
...standing in front of my Daddy and singing a well-known church hymn with my family in our living room when I was just a tot
...being frozen with fear when a "bum" came to our front door
...riding on the back of our new tricylce with my sister Marilyn when I was about 5
...sharing hard-to-get bubble gum with friends in WWll
...being interviewed for Cougarettes when I was in college
...stranded at the bottom of an icy hill in South Pass when I was in college
...watching a dead boy being pulled from the creek when I was in grade school
...being thrown from side to side in a car that was out of control when I was a sophmore  in high school
...sobbing uncontrollably as they lowered the casket of Marilyn's boyfriend Claude
...Richard telling me he loved me
...being told my Dad had passed away
...seeing Richard wave at me from the upstairs window as I was doing yard work and hearing him say "Your children need you" in a very gentle but persuasive way
...watching my husband die in Maria's house
...hearing over the phone that my son John "did not make it"
...receiving the premonition that James and Cambers  first born was out of danger
...receiving the premonition that James was going to have a life threatening accident
...helping to dress my mother in the morgue
...being sealed to my husbnd and son John in the Temple
...watching my husband helplessly as he had a heart attack in 1970
,,,having the Dr tell the anesethist to "put her out" after the nurse complained they didn't have the right kind of sutures needed (after James was born)
...talking to a friend just before I left my Rancho Barnardo home, after giving the key to the realtor
..feeling so overwhelmed as I looked at all the boxes of files in our garage (after my husband passed away)
...being alone in the office with puppy Bandido trying to make a decision as to whether I could leave unfinished vital office work to make my commitment to be at the Temple--so overwhelmed and defeated
..feelings of despair as I wrestled with my financial situation and having James call at just that moment, with hope
...crying to Maria as I related John's attitude toward my buying my Lake Almanor house
...being with Linda in the delivery room when Gary was out of town
...looking at Maria in such agony just before they did a cesarean on her
,,,talking to a lady at Bank of America as she told me on the phone "that $3500 is yours, come and get it"
...having baby Meagan reach her arms out to me as soon as Jennifer opened the door of their little UCSD apartment


Oh, there are so many moments like this when you have no pictures to help you recall  but they are strongly etched in your mind, never to be forgotten because of your helplessness in the situation, your overwhelming grief or pain, or your great joy.

I love the saying, "Life is fragile, handle it with prayer."  So true.