Maybe I should put in a picture of me when I was Melissa's age so we can know I was not always so wrinkled!!! Melissa has the most amazing skin and teeth and eyes and hair, I was not nearly so pretty or gifted with such amazing looks so just as well not. I have earned those wrinkles and scars though, believe me.
I so enjoyed having Melissa here for two days. For some reason we can carry on a continual conversation until she tires of talking anyway. But I always enjoy our conversations and usually learn many things I did not know. She is so smart!
We ate out a couple times and I cooked a dinner for Saturday night and then Sunday afternoon she needed to get down to Sacramento in time for supper and fly home the next day. I am so glad she took the time to come and see me though. And I learned something I need remember always. She has lots of decisions to make about what she wants in life and I wish her well. I am sure she will continue to be exceptional in whatever she chooses.
After we had discussed some frustrating things about working with others and in an office and our own needs not being met, etc. I must have had it all on my mind because the next morning I woke up and said, "I have had and epiphany!!" All these years I have resented Richard wanting me to learn all about mortgages and then having learned too much it became my career for the next 30 years and so much of that time I hated it!!! He said to me once, "How can you hate something you are so good at?"
What was the epiphany? Richard didn't ask me to learn all about brokering conventional loans. He did not know anything about that. He asked me to come down and be an office manager and do a few private loans if I wanted to. Yes, I needed my real estate license to do that but...It was I that learned all about the business of brokering loans to other lenders, it was I that spent hours with the Beverly Hills Loan Specialist to find out how to do it, that invited other lender reps and brokers to our office to teach us, that got us approved with so many lenders, that got us educated in processing and getting loans and understanding adjustable mortgages and etc. etc. etc. It was I!!! Not Richard. I chose to learn it. I chose to do it. And why? Because there is something in my personality, and Maria's personality and Melissa's personality that if we see a need to improve a situation we are in, we research and learn and figure out what can be done and how to do it better...to improve continually. How many times did I organize and reorganize everything in our office...
Maria says if you work in a job like hers, that kind of drive gets you promoted!! And she was recently promoted again!!! And Melissa was promoted a while back, too. She also said our weaknesses are our strengths and our strengths are our weaknesses. I see now the secret is learning how to manage it.
You need to learn how to harness this drive to where you don't spend all your time trying to make everything better and forget to take the necessary time for yourself.
In a letter that I wrote to myself many years ago when I was trying to figure out why I hated my mortgage life so much I had decided it was because I never had time for myself. I never "took" the time for myself though. I did not make it a priority. Everything to do with the job was a priority and yes, there was always things to do better, things to finish, things to start. These things were always more important than myself. I did emotional eating, I was stressed, I was frustrated but I did not learn how to manage my time to have a balanced life.
When I worked for SBA it was much better but I still was spending a lot of my time developing charts and lists and etc. etc. for the good of the whole but having to take my 'own' to do them instead of spending that extra time on my own needs.
Anyway Maria says if I processed that all in my mind so I can stop blaming others for my own choices then I really did learn something and she is right. And now I have it down in black and white so I will always have to accept the responsibility for my own choices and not blame anyone else (Richard) etc.
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