A Broken Heart

Tonight I was remembering the day I left my Rancho Bernardo home, after turning over the keys to the realtor. Everything was ready for the new buyer. I had been a widow for about two months. I looked a wreck, I was a wreck. Brian, my realtor and friend, looked at me and said, "Janet, I'm worried about you." I said, "Brian, I have a broken heart."

Oh, I had had a broken heart before. I remember so well as a freshman in college walking with a couple roommates and we were talking about boys and love and all that stuff. And I said, "I hope I can have a broken heart someday." That is probably one of the more stupid things I have said in my life. Several years later, I did have that broken heart. The sleepless nights, the depression, the pit in your stomach that never goes away, the extreme sadness, the loneliness. I don't remember any one thing that I did to get over that broken heart but moving to California and starting a new life, with new friends and exciting new places probably helped a lot.

A few years later, another heartbreak. I went away to summer school this time for classes I hadn't had time for in college. New friends, new faces, new experiences. Eventually I healed and moved on. But I found that a little of those heart breaks always remain with you to pop up and cloud thoughts and give a jab of pain from time to time.

But never had I had heart break like this--the death of my husband, the loss of our "retirement home", a complete change to life as I had known it for the last 37 years. I think I had lots of help, but I couldn't tell you exactly what I did to recover from that heart break, if, indeed, I have recovered, as I don't think you ever do completely. I prayed a lot and the Lord was with me, directing me, giving me strength. And then a few years later, there was the loss of my son, and more heartbreak.

I remember one time my friend Marta heard me fretting about something and she said, "Janet, is there anything you can do about it?" And I had to say that no, there was not. She said, "Then stop worrying about it." Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Today I see the internet has all kinds of help for getting over a broken heart. I checked out a few and they are interesting. One in particular had stories written by people suffering from broken hearts and it was sad to read them and know there wasn't anything anyone can really do for them. 

 Another site had 5 steps, one of which was specific music to listen to--none of which I was familiar with, but music played a big part in my recovery and why I have two trunks of videos and DVDs and over 200 cds.

One thing I know for sure, broken hearts are inevitable in our life and we all need whatever help we can get as we suffer through them and move on to new experiences, new friends and possibly more heartbreak-----Another kind of painful heartache is to watch a loved one suffer and know the pain they are in and not be able to do anything about it.