As I was driving to a Dr appointment today I remembered a cup my son John gave me years ago. It said, "No Fear" and had a diamond on it representing the Difficult area of a mountain to ski. I followed John once on a Diamond area only because he persuaded me. But I took two turns and looked at what followed and skied to the side, took my skis off and walked down the mountain. I never did learn to ski an area that I feared. How does one live with "No fear"... I would like to. Ever since I slipped and fell last year and then fell flat on my face a month later I walk with fear. It is a very unpleasant experience to feel so vulnerable and not be able to choose to not go in areas you fear because you just fear the most ordinary experiences of walking down stairs, walking down a driveway, walking on a cement walk with bumps, things you once did with no thought at all. I just fear falling flat on my face again when I am not being careful. I was talking to a friend and she feels the same way.
In my dreams I am always losing things, yes, that is a fear. In my dreams I am also lost and can't find my way, that is a fear. In my dreams, I either can't find my purse or there is no money in it, that is a fear. Then there is the problem of not being able to get ready for wherever I am supposed to be going. I can't find my clothes, I can't get them on, everyone else is moving on and I am still trying to get dressed, that is a fear, not being ready.
As I was thinking about this fear thing on my way to a new medical building to me, I suddenly realized I was in a residential area and the ruffians on the side of the road looked a little scary to me. Instead of using my GPS I was following directions from the Internet and realized I was not on the street I should be. The main street had taken a slight curve and I stayed straight. Thank heaven for my Garvin--I was able to pull to the side, plug in the address and get myself out of that strange area...fear, it was there. Long before the GPS thing I remember being lost in LA in a strange area when I was going the wrong direction as I was looking for a Lender--the only way out was to call and ask for directions and we didn't have a cell then so I had to stop at a phone box at a gas station...fear. I hate fear. How does one live without it????
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