Sugarholic? Hellooooo...

Today as I was checking out of the grocery store the thought came to me that I wanted to learn moderation in my life regarding sweets. As it is I cannot have sweets in my house as I will eat them immediately until they are gone. I wanted to learn once and for all how to take a piece one day and a piece the next day, etc. Certainly I could do it!!! I have proven I can go without sugar, but only if it is out of sight and out of reach.

So I bought 5 small hershey bars that were on sale....to start my plan... They are all gone tonight. So much for moderation. My only consolation is that I have never cared about drinks, smokes, or drugs, just certain sweets. However, the addictive behavior is there and is certainly something that needs to be overpowered.

This is a test I found on the internet...answer True of False...

"TRUE OR FALSE?"

I don't eat refined sugar every day.

I can go for more than a day without eating some type of sugar-containing food.

I never have cravings for sugar, coffee, chocolate, peanut butter, or alcohol.

I've never hidden candy or other sweets around my home in order to find and eat them later.

I can stop after one piece of candy or one bite of pastry.

There are times when I have no sugar of any kind in my home.

I can go for three or more hours without eating and not experience the shakes, fatigue, perspiration, irritability, depressions, or anxiety.

I can have candy and other sweets in my home and not eat them.

I don't eat something sweet after every meal.

I rarely drink coffee and eat doughnuts or sweet rolls for breakfast.

I can go for more than an hour after waking up in the morning without eating.

I can go from one day to the next without drinking a soft drink.

If you answered "false" to more than four of these statements, chances are that you are sugar-sensitive. You probably are allergic to sugar, and probably are also addicted to it - the same way an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol. You crave sugar, have withdrawal symptoms when you don't get it, and probably feel better for a short time after you've eaten it. In eating sugar to feel better, you are actually making your condition worse.

If you're a sugarholic, your body is telling you quite bluntly that sugar is causing problems. Addiction is closely related to allergy; the body has become so accustomed to compensating for the presence of the allergenic substance that when the substance is removed, withdrawal symptoms occur. Your sugar cravings are a direct indication that sugar is at work destroying your immune system."

I suppose I could blame my mother for my dilema. We always had dessert after our supper meal. It was homemade desserts like: prune whip, rice pudding, bread pudding, pie, cake, cookies, cinnamon rolls, etc. And then, of course, my mom was an expert at making fudge, taffy, penoche, sugared popcorn, popcorn balls, homemade ice cream, homemade rootbeer. And probably we did not have money for a lot of protein, mostly cheaper carbs.

When we were all in the car together and supposedly "sleeping" the rattle of a papersack in the front seat would immediately jar us all awake to ask for a piece of whatever goodie my mom had in the sack. Oh, yes, we lived to expect desserts and treats..

However, we did not have "snacks" we could reach for anytime but meal time or after school treat or special evening treat. So... weight was never a problem and the small waist was with us until we bore children.

So when did the sugar become a problem????

I think whenever I wanted to treat myself because I was "overworked", "depressed", "sad", "happy", "excited", "needed a reward", "needed love". In other words, it is all emotional eating, whether happy or sad. It was always a form of reward. How often did I hear? "Who wants a treat? Let's have a treat? What treat shall we have?" So it has become a part of my life.

I remember one night at college when I was living in Helamon Halls and the little store that had the licorice candy I loved was not only across campus but down the hill--at least a half hour or more away. I just had to go get that candy, nothing else would do, and I went... My roommates thought I was crazy.

I also remember when a boyfriend and I had a spat. As soon as he left, I went to the kitchen and made some penoche.

The most successful and happiest I have been is when I have been able to go 30 days without sugar and then I lose the craving for a time. However, I CANNOT HAVE IT IN MY HOME. And if I go somewhere else and it is offered I will probably succumb. Truly it is like an alcoholic.

So how am I going to conquer this? No one can make a suggestion unless they have the same problem and have conquered it! Guess I need a Sugarholics Anonymous Club.

Nightmare...

I just awoke from a nightmare and was actually yelling "Help, Help, Help...several times. I was in a hotel corridor and as I reached the door two hooded boys rushed me. One of them had a large something under his jacket as if he planned to push whoever opened the door down with it and in the meantime I would have fallen backward into the room.

All was foiled however, when no one answered the door. We just stood there looking at each other while I yelled Help. Finally I woke up and turned the light on. Not even Bandido was looking at me. Is that a message or what???

Earlier in the day I had visited another widow and I had asked her if she was ever lonely. She said when she had something she wanted to say and no one was there, that was especially lonely. Sunday I had asked another friend that question and she said she was never lonely.

I must admit I do get very lonely at times...and I ask the question again, what is this with so many widows in the world? What great scheme is it accomplishing?

Nine Year Anniversary!

This weekend will be nine years since I moved in to 709 East Mountain Ridge Rd.

It was on the two year anniversary of Richard's death in November 1998 that Maria drove with me to Lake Almanor Country Club to look at potential home sites. When I didn't like any that were in my price range, the realtor showed us some others. I was immediately attracted to this one and asked to go back. I prayed about it for two days and then decided it was the right place for me so I asked the realtor to negotiate a lower price. The sellers were four children of a couple who had been killed in a car accident on icy Fredonyer Pass (between Lake Almanor and Susanville). I had no idea how I was going to afford the home or get a loan for it. Through the tender mercies of the Lord it all came to be and we were ready to make the move in March 1999.

Gary had driven the truck up and all the Pulsiphers and Valkos plus some of Mark's friends were there to unload the truck. The ground was wet and slushy from melted snow. Kristi was taking pictures on a movie cam but somehow I have never seen those pictures, I wonder where they are???

Except for one shelf of my corner hutch, miraculously nothing was broken. The large desk of Richard's could not be managed into the "office" bedroom and had to sit behind the couch in the dining room until I later took it all apart and put it back together in the "office". The organ had had a few keys missing from my first move from Rancho Bernardo and was now fixed. The grandmother clock was still not working so I placed the time at the moment of Richard's death. Gary worked long and hard at putting a special screen over the TV to protect the surface. In fact, they all worked long and hard with my very heavy furniture to get it all in place where I wanted it. When it was completed I was emotionally over come, it was perfect for me.

I am sure because I don't express things well they will never know how much I appreciated everyone's help at making this move for me. They were all wonderful.

Since I moved in a lot has happened to the house. My sisters came and helped me clean all the mildew off the yet unstained home. Mark did most of the staining of the house with a little help from me. Mark put in mirror doors and a fan in the master bedroom. Mark put slats under the front deck. At least 10 trees had to be removed from the back yard. Mark built a wood shed and filled it with wood. All the Valkos helped me remove all the accumulated branches and needles from years of sitting. The men who cut my trees also came in with a special "man raiser" and cut all the dead branches from the bottom of the remaining 50 trees. Mark and Maria arranged for the prison to recover my two couches and I found another man to recover my rockers and footstools.

Every spring Valkos or men from the ward had to haul my 200 or less bags of accumulated branches and needles to become mulch. The children gave me a snow blower and a barbeque for ease in the winter and fun in the summer. The Valko boys had to clean off my roof and clean out the drains as well as help me with the yard. Later my home teacher Ron Martin has done it for me, as well keep my driveway blown clear of snow.

In 2004 Matt hauled rocks and dirt to create some mourning gardens for me. Marjorie and the Thiesens helped me haul river rock for a path. (I still need some more for the path and the patio I have yet to do). Numerous daffodils have been planted and many things that the deer have already eaten the tops off but hopefully they will spring up again.

In 2005 Mark removed all the carpeting and linoleum and put down American Cherry woodfloors. I don't have squeaky floors anymore. Marjorie's son John laid new green carpet in the bedrooms. Maria helped me pick out the carpet and a new round carpet for the living room.

In 2007 the children paid for and Mark installed new tile in the bathrooms and new granite tops and sinks. My neighbor fixed my dining room table which had had the pedestal split when I had overloaded it with books when the bedrooms were being carpeted.

This simple home and yard have been a labor of love for me and much labor of others but I found the peace I have sought. It has been a refuge for me and a place to carry on my hobbies and projects. I have loved having all the outdoor space and safe places to walk. I have enjoyed the beauty of the lake and trees and mountains. Fortunately I have worked about six months out of the year so I could afford to stay here.

It is my deepest desire I will not have to leave here a day before I need to go. I know that Richard was deeply sorrowful that he was not leaving me secure in a home and I like that Camber analyzed that he had met the "sellers" of this home in paradise and had helped to make it all come true for me. It has been better than anything I could have planned for myself and I so appreciate everyone that has helped me be able to stay here. It is amazing how many people it takes to bring joy into the life of one person. Thank you everyone, I love you all and am so grateful.

It is DEFINITE--to NOT Gluten

It has only been a few hours, but the results are in--gluten makes me sick!

To Gluten or not to Gluten...

I have eliminated Gluten from my diet for more than a week except for one small biscuit and one small angel food cake slice on Easter. I definitely have no stomach aches and a lot more energy. Funny thing is I can remember having stomach aches being a problem since forever!!! And, of course, they have gotten worse as I've gotten older. As a teenager I remember blaming it on my tight levis (we wore the lady levi which had absolutely no give at all)!!! Not!!! Later I blamed in on sweets!! Not!!! (Though moderation in all things is still a must.)

Today I am going to add back some gluten and see what happens. I came across the following article today. I had no idea just 3 days could show so much.

"If you think something you're eating is terrorizing your tummy, try this food-elimination test.

Eliminate the suspect -- be it dairy products, wheat items, or processed sugars -- for 3 days in a row.

Keep a diary of how you feel during those days. Here are important clues to note.

Diary of a Digestive:

If your digestion habits changed, your tummy felt more comfortable, or your energy levels jumped, those are sure signs that you may have a food-triggered irritability.

If adding the food back in makes you feel like you have a touch of the flu, that would be another really strong sign. "

Probably Will Not Get Called Out and Why!

I probably will not get called out on this Disaster and I finally understand why after talking to a number of people from the Herndon and Sacramento offices. In 2005, SBA went from four offices doing all aspects of disaster to four offices each doing a specialty. Texas would now be Loan Processors and Sacramento would be Field Operations.

From 2000-2005 I was Disaster Reserve Loan Specialist and could work as a processor in the office or go out in the field--then when they made all the changes in SBA in 2005 Sacramento had us fill out applications to be DR Customer Service Reps (Field Operations) but before the approvals could be completed Hurricane Katrina hit and they hired us to go out there and serve as CSRs whether it was completed or not. We came to Sacramento and had CSR training. Texas was hiring as local as possible so they would not have to pay for housing for the Loan Specialists and hirees would be more permanent, if possible.

Then I retired in 2006 (big mistake) and in October 2007 when the San Diego fires hit I wanted to come back and completed the application on line and sent it to Herndon (they do all the hiring). They were not advertising for CSRs then, nor are they now. I just completed the one for DR Loan Specialist thinking it actually was Disaster Reserve and we would serve in disasters where they wanted us to go! It finally did get approved. And they are sending me the packet.

But, DRLS usually serve out of the Fort Worth office and the chance of getting called are very slim it would seem as they just recently laid off 600 (from Katrina and Rita) though they are still advertising for that job and not for the CSR and Lena from Herndon said they probably won't advertise for CSRs again until September.

So Lena advised me to get on board and possibly I could get a call sometime if there are more hurricanes etc. and then in September reapply as CSR. Seems if I was needed out in the field they would use me since I have served as both but probably not so.

Lena says I will go on a list to all offices as a DSLS but since the Sacramento office is not using them I would not likely get called by them. She also added that they are always changing things though so...

But, anyway I left my name and availability with Denise in Sacramento and I think she understands what happened here though I really didn't understand it fully until Lena looked up my records and found why I was showing in Herndon with two applications and the CSR never completed from 2005 but the 2007 LS approved.

Now, if you are still with me, you understand why I probably will not get called out.

I'm Back!

Today I worked most of the day in my yard and even washed my car!!! I haven't had this much energy in months.

I had been raking the area that had melted and was pretty pooped and wondered how I was going to bag all those branches when my teenage neighbor came out to speak to me so I asked him if he wanted to do some hauling--"Sure", he said.

He came over and bagged all the branches and carried all the sacks of manure to the back and I soon had all my gardens fertilized and mulched and the yard is ready for summer!!! He was beat. I paid him, of course, I want him to come back again!

Of course, there is still 3 ft of snow on the north and east sides but the important part with all the daffodils coming up is beautiful. Should bloom this next week!!!

Yes, I'm back!!!

Happy Easter!

Maria, Mitch, Melissa and Marjorie came over for Easter dinner.

The menu was shrimp cocktail, cheesy biscuits, pork tenderloin, string beans, six cup salad, cherry pink jello salad, mashed potatoes and gravy. Dessert was Strawberry Short Cake on Angel Food Cake (there must be a better name for that).

We had learned in church that this is the earliest Easter will be (23 of March) until the year 2228! Easter is always the first full moon after March 20 the way I understand it. The last time it was this early was 1913.

Consequently, the daffodils were not yet in bloom...but it surely feels like spring, yea!

News from Lauren Sutehall from Dubai

From those of you who don't hear from Uncle Martin's granddaughter Lauren--here is her latest message from Dubai!!

Greetings from Dubai!

We had a fantastic port visit to Dubai, UAE- it was my favorite port visit yet! The first day we visited a giant outdoor mall that is created to look like an old Arab fort. It is extremely expensive there but they offer just about any food you can imagine (we had French Polynesian for dinner). That mall, called the Madriat Jumeirah, is next to the only hotel in the world that is rated at 7 stars! The hotel requires an advanced fee and registration- just to see inside the lobby! Needless to say, we didn’t see the inside. (see pix of outside)

The next day we went to the “Mall of the Emirates” where we went skiing! This mall has a giant indoor winter wonderland with a ski slope, ski lift and sledding hill. The slope wasn’t very crowded and it was fun skiing to blasting music and no lift line! After a morning on the slope, we went off-roading on the sand dunes! We drove about half way to Oman to the middle of the desert. Our crazy driver laughed at us and told us we “screech like chickens” when the RV was falling sideways down the dunes. Then we rode camels and had a Middle Eastern BBQ with belly dancers and hooka at a campsite in the desert. It was an amazing day!

In the picture of the sunset over the dunes, you can see a large tower that will be the tallest building in the world when it is finished this year. I hope I have the chance to return and explore more of Dubai one day. We are back at sea now and celebrated St. Patty’s Day with non-alcoholic beer and Irish food! I hope everything is going well for you and that you have a Happy Easter!

Lauren

ENS Lauren Sutehall USS Hopper (DDG 70) Anti-Submarine Warfare Officer

The Brave Deer

Today while walking home along the road (which is still deep on each side with lots of snow) I could see we had six deer walking toward us.

They had stopped and were eyeing us cautiously to determine what to do. Finally the biggest one started toward us while the others watched. She bravely looked us straight in the eye (on the opposite side of the road) and watched while I calmed Bandido and made him stop barking. When all was ok, she proceeded to walk again, still watching us until we were far enough away and then she just stopped entirely.

When the deer had successfully passed us, the others stepped up and over the snow bank and hung around my neighbor's house until Bandido and I had entered my driveway and climbed the stairs.

It wasn't until I had shut the door that the five deer ventured out on the road again. In the meantime, the one large deer was walking back to meet the other deer. She had never taken her eye off us. When they were all together again they proceeded down the road.

It was as if she was in charge (Mom) and going to protect the others from any harm (Bandido) until all was safe. Very interesting!

Hubby Tag

I wasn't going to do this since I don't currently have a hubby on earth, but he is my eternal companion so here goes...

Name: Richard Clair

How long married: 37 years, 1 month

How long dated before eloping: six weeks.

Who asked who out? He did. He was new in the ward. I had just come back from summer school and turned him down three times in one week (cuz I had other dates). The lady next door to my apt said this guy kept running up my stairs to see if I was there. Finally we went out and my old boyfriend came and interrupted our saying goodnight. I think that is why he was so anxious to get married. He thought I was too popular. Actually it was that I had broken up with this boyfriend I almost married the first of the summer and other friends from the ward asked me out as soon as I came back from summer school. It was a weird week, not the norm of my life.

Who said I love you first: Richard, he took me home to meet his mother the second week after our first date...She gave me the 3rd degree and I wasn't too sure about the whole thing yet, especially her.

How old was he when we married: 28, when he died: 65

Who was taller: Richard, 5 ft 11, me 5 ft 5 1/2 I was attracted to him because he was a "take charge" kind of guy.

Who could sing better: I sang the lullabies to the babies, he sang "The Animal Fair", I am sure the children remember his song better than my lullabies.

Who was smarter: He had a better memory, I could read faster and get to the bottom line faster, he could negotiate better--different gifts entirely.

Who did the laundry: When we were newlyweds and caretakers of an apartment house, he took the laundry to the laundromat and scrubbed the floors and I did the yard work. He never learned how to use the washer and dryer once we had our own.

Who paid the bills: Early in our marriage we got separate checking accounts and I had so much money a month to pay all the house bills and he did the other. Later on, oh well, let's not talk about that...

Who slept on right side of bed: I did, but now I sleep on his side and Bandido sleeps on my side.

Who cooked dinner: I did and always put his plate in the oven as he came home too late for the children to eat with him. Later when I was working we often stopped somewhere. If he came home and no dinner, he never complained but would always find something on his own. He always cleared the table and dishes and rinsed them but would not load them in the dishwasher.

Who ate the most sweets: I definitely ate the most sweets, but he ate the most food and anything I made or bought he would want me to share it with him. When we would fill up the gas tank together he would always buy ice cream snicker bars cuz he knew I loved them.

Who drove: Richard always wanted to drive and he always filled up all the cars with gas. I've missed that a lot.

Who is more stubborn: Toss up, depended on what it was about.

Who kissed who first: He did. I actually didn't think he was a very good kisser at first, to tell you the truth. (Since he can't read this.)

Who proposed? He did, as I say he was a "take charge" person. I was teaching school, he was working in a bank, it was a long time till vacation. He just wanted to get married and wanted to elope on a weekend, but his brother found out and brought his mother and family down to San Diego on a Friday afternoon. It was very embarrassing, I didn't even know them.

Who wore the pants: In our early marriage, he took charge of everything, even calling the babysitter. Later, after his first heart attack, I became more aggressive but not because I wanted to...I wanted to be a princess and have my prince take care of me forever...(at least that is what my gynecologist told me)

Richard was a good husband and father. He is very missed.

Anyone who reads this is tagged!

Compliments, please!

I can live two months on one good compliment! -- Mark Twain

This was the message of WalktheTalk today and how true. We all need that backup to say we are doing "ok". In fact, it is one of the things I miss most about my husband. He was quick to say something positive and uplifting. Without that support system, it is easy to get caught in a mire of doubt about yourself.

We all know we need compliments, why don't we all look for reasons to say something nice to people? I was surprised at Madonna with all her wealth and fame and yet she paid tribute to a ballet teacher in her childhood who had told her "she was special".

Something I need to work on, for sure...

Time Change...or not?

I was an hour late for church this Sunday because I totally spaced the time change.

It reminded me of the first spring I was teaching school in San Diego. I was dating this cute Navy helicopter pilot and he told me we had an extra hour that Saturday night because we were supposed to put all our clocks back an hour for the time change.

I told my roommates that and we were all two hours late for church...unfortunately we were all junior sunday school teachers, too.

An innocent mistake? I always assumed so...

"Retrospectroscope"--Never Look Back...

I have been studying the life of Dr. Russell M Nelson who was on the team that developed the first machine that could perform the functions of a patient's heart and lungs during heart surgery.

This was just the beginning of his many accomplishments but one thing he said really stood out as important to me in my life and the way I view myself. It is a good lesson for us all to learn.

He said that he had been taught by N. Eldon Tanner never to look back.

"He taught me not to look through the 'retrospectroscope' and agonize over what I might have done differently. So I don't relive the past. Each hour had its opportunity, and I either did a good job or I fumbled the ball. I walk away from the past knowing I gave it the best I had."

Emerson on "Self-Reliance"

It is amazing to me how many things I can find to do when I am procrastinating doing something I don't want to do!!!

Today I thought about the literature class I had in college on Ralph Waldo Emerson and how much I liked it, so I spent a good part of my day reading the lines I had underlined. I must have been smarter than I thought I was--some of them are quite provocative!

Here is something I had marked as V.G.:

"A political victory, a rise of rents, the recovery of our sick or the return of your absent friend, or some other favorable event raises your spirits, and you think good days are preparing for you. Do not believe it. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles."

That is from his discourse on "Self-Reliance" written in 1841. I must have really liked that one, I have a lot underlined.

I remember Del, who I dated in college, and we were both to write down the things we didn't like about each other (a very dangerous assignment). As I recall I had quite a few on my list but he had only one thing. TOO D------ INDEPENDENT!

I guess that is a good thing since I have been alone for so much of my life.

Rats in La Jolla, Bats in Lake Almanor

Learn something new everyday, as I have said before. On my walk today I stopped and chatted with a "Bat Control Specialist" and learned that bats are protected. You cannot kill them. However, they may nest in your attic and the build up of their droppings can make you sick. He was telling me about two men in the area that had pneumonia last summer and it was traced to the droppings they were sweeping from their garage.

He said when they remove bats from a home, they build bat homes for them in the trees so the bats will not try and get back in the house. Of course, the house is grouted tightly. Bats only need 1/4 inch of space to get inside. Now I know why all the vents in my house have wire screen behind them. Bats are the good guys, they eat the mosquitoes and pesky insects so we want them here, we just don't want them in our homes.

The first summer here there were two bats in my patio umbrella, scared me to death. I called Utahna's husband and he came and cleaned them out. I have two umbrellas in my garage now, one of which is broken and never opened in the summer. Is that an invitation for a nest? He told me to look for their droppings, they look just like mice and rat droppings.

He said it is very hard to relocate bats. They tried to move 200 bats from a house on East Shore and painted their tails with iridescent paint to track them. He said the bats went right back to the East Shore. He has been trying to get bats to go live at a farmer's place as there are moths eating his crops. So far, he says, they have not been successful. He said you can't move bats at all when they have babies to care for. Interestingly they only have one baby bat at a time.

Well, when I clean out the garage this spring, I think I will just take the broken umbrella to the dump without opening it!! Of course, what if they got out while I was driving and were swooping around the car, oops...bad idea.

Always something to worry about, enough to drive you batty.

The 'darn' truth...

Today I found a hole in one of my favorite red sweaters so I decided to mend it the way my mother used to darn our socks. I had watched her many times as a child. She always had a darning basket full of socks, darning thread, needle, thimble and a wooden darning mallet (have no idea what it was called) with a round ball on the end. She would put the heel of the sock on the mallet and proceed to sew threads across the hole and then go back and actually weave the thread over and under very closely so when she finished you had a sock stronger in that area than it was before. With six children there were always lots of socks to darn.

Since my Dad actually managed and then owned a department store, you would have thought they could afford new socks but not so. My children and grandchildren have no idea how frugal our parents lived. Richard used to hate the patched jeans he had to wear, but that was life in our childhood era. The following is a quote from a letter my Mom had written me about my birth in 1933.

"Ellen (Aunt) took care of the children while I was in the hospital and we furnished the food to feed both families. She could really cook good food with very little. Nothing was wasted. We used to save all the peelings from vegetables, cook them till tender, put them through a sieve and season and it was very good."

P. S. My sweater actually looks quite good so glad I learned that little task from watching my Mom.

"Somebody's Not Doing His Job!"

I loved this from Walk the Talk Network today. What Lucy said made me laugh-- Excerpted from The Richest Man in Town: Chapter Titled The Source of Happiness:

At times Marty made it sound too easy. On a visit to his home I heard him say, “People need to decide to be happy.” I pressed him. “What do you mean by that?”

His face took on an incredulous look. “You have to ask me?” At that moment I felt a little foolish. Complex human problems, at least to me, often prevent people from being happy. To Marty it was a matter of common sense. I wondered, what was I missing?

“C’mon, Marty,” I said, “do you really think people can actually decide to be happy?”

“Who makes decisions for you?” Marty asked me. “All my life I’ve watched people waiting for someone else to make them happy. The way I got it figured, the only one who can make you happy is you.”

As I considered his point, my mind began to wander. Strangely, I thought of an old “Peanuts” cartoon–the one in which Lucy asked Charlie Brown, “Why do you think we were put on earth?”

Charlie Brown answered, “To make others happy.”

“I don’t think I’m making anyone happy,” Lucy replied, “but nobody’s making me very happy either.” Then Lucy screamed out, “Somebody’s not doing his job!”

I smiled at that moment, thinking Marty had something in common with Charles Schultz, the creator of the “Peanuts” cartoon. Both seemed to be saying that it was silly to expect other people to have such an influence over our lives.

That was Marty’s lesson: Only you can make you happy.

What a Difference a Day Makes!!

I am feeling so much better today than yesterday...

So evidently fractured ribs are quite common. The young man who took my x-rays had fractured his three weeks ago. He said he didn't feel the pain till three days later. My doctor is recuperating from fractured ribs and he said his pain was excruciating. My pain got progressively worse, probably because I wasn't paying enough attention to it. After all, that is what pain is for. Come the miracle of a few pills, taken every 4 others and voila, hardly any pain.

And another amazing thing, for the sciatica pain in the leg--you put an ice pack on the problem spot on your lower back and voila, pain in leg diminishes... Who would have thought?

So that takes care of the pain, but you can't live on pills and ice packs forever so now comes the tricky part, the healing. There is something new for sciatica, learned with astronauts. It is using a decompression chamber and lasers and time. It actually rebuilds cartilage and provides fluids and nutrients so you are really renewing and regenerating the spine rather than just providing a stop gap. Problem is insurance doesn't recognize it yet and only a few places have it...costly.

Ah, well, better just try the yoga...

Kate's New House

On Thursday I picked up Linda at the airport and met Kristi and Kate for 4 days of moving the Stewarts from Incline Village to Reno, Nevada.

Here Kate looks like she is clowning with something in her mouth that looks like a fake tooth, but it's just food...

I had the fun job of watching Kate while the others did the intense work but even so I was fatigued. She is a fast moving baby with lots of energy. I enjoyed her very much. Here Linda tries to get her to eat...

Kristi and Mike have done a super job of picking out colors and furniture and get this--on the first day they had the Closet people, the Shutter people, and the TV/sound people meet them at the house so all windows were shuttered or blinded, all closets were shelved, etc. and all wiring for the tv's and sound system was completed. It was amazing, they were so organized.

I didn't get many pictures, will wait till it is all finished, but it is beautiful and looking like a model home, very exciting!

On Saturday, Maria came down and she and Linda took me for a birthday treat! I had a wonderful massage and they had facials and then we had a terrific Italian lunch. Thank you so much my beautiful daughters! I really enjoyed the massage, I needed it. In fact I think I could use one almost daily, just like Bob Hope.

"Dear John"--Nicholas Sparks novel

"Dear John", the letter read. And with those two words, a heart was broken and two lives changed forever. " A heartbreaker that most of us have probably experienced but this one has a twist, of course.

I have read all Nicholas Sparks novels except one. As soon as they are in paperback and at Wal-mart I read them. You can visualize effortlessly his characters and scenes and I usually read his books in just a few days because they are "page turners". Three of his books have been turned into movies and I am sure more will be.

This one is heartbreaking and yes, I did look ahead and see that it was not going to have the happy ending I like, but being prepared for it I wanted to finish it anyway. I am glad I did and recommend it.

I have two favorite "Nicholas" authors. Nicholas Evans is the other one. His novels take place in Montana even though he lives in England. Two of his novels have been made into movies. He writes long books and they are very educational as well as "page turners". I especially loved "The Loop" about wolves... He just doesn't publish books often enough!

Thank heaven for books and music and the talented people who write and perform for us. But why are so many of us just the reader or listener instead of gifted with talent? I have always wondered about that...

Christmas Gift Completed!!

Finished!!

Both tile floors were finished earlier and it is hard to see the color here, but both bathrooms look great. Thank you children for such a generous Christmas gift!!!

Mark completed the second sink this past month and this is how they both look. Everything looks great--thank you, thank you, thank you.

Mitch and Susanville Symphony

I had a very enjoyable evening with Maria's

son Mitch last night. We ate at my favorite "Kentucky Fried Chicken" and chatted. Mitch is always fun to talk with. Maria had said to be early as the Methodist Church is small and fills up fast. Still it seemed we had 45 minutes so Mitch filled up my gas tank on the way. So nice to have a man around for a change!

We were more than one half hour early, but still it was mostly filled up except for the section where they directed us to sit. There were three rows of pews with cushions and then several rows of folding chairs. We chose the second pew and then decided to move to the first pew. A lady came up to us and asked if we were part of "Heather's family", as the seats were reserved for them, and then she directed us to the folding chairs and wondered why no one had directed us there in the first place.

Of course, no one paid attention as the pews began to fill up and even "Heather's family" came. There was, however, room enough for Mitch and I on the second pew and the lady, now realizing we had been the first there and were on the "hard seats", motioned for us to sit on the second pew. I especially liked my seat because I could see the face and watch the hands of the director as he emphasized everything he wanted.

I had remembered some of the things Maria had told me about him as he had organized the Symphony about 4 years ago. He is very dramatic and fun to watch and the music was very lovely, especially the theme from "Somewhere in Time". I vowed to come home and watch it again.

There was a guest pianist from Russia who played some familiar concertos exquisitely and also a slim opera singer who was excellent. She was the "Heather" and sat in the row in front of us. As she sang her last song with so much power and gusto for such a tiny person I became curious about how one becomes an opera singer rather than another kind of singer.

Being so close I had the opportunity to ask her if she knew as a child she would sing Opera. She said, "Yes, I knew at age 9 when I saw "Madame Butterfly". I had a strong desire to sing just like that." "Was it because of your voice or because of your desire," I asked. She said, "It was a dual thing, you have the "fire" and are given the "fuel". Obviously she has answered that before but I thought it was very interesting.

As we slowly made our way up to the one door at the front of the church I remembered in movies and stories of people being shut up in a church and all burning to death. I think I know now why it could easily happen.

Anyway, it was a very pleasant evening for which I thank Mitch and Maria. Maria had won two tickets to the concert on Saturday night so Mitch took me instead of her.

Favorite Things for Valentines Day

Valentines Day gave me an excuse to spend the whole day just doing my favorite things.

First--Lay in bed just a little longer. Since I bought my soft, flannel sheets from Bed, Bath and Beyond I love to linger in that cozy warmth. (When I was a freshman at college my roommates had a nickname for me (can't remember what) because I always jumped out of bed as soon as I woke up. That pretty much has been my life till now!)

Second--Check my email--pleasant surprise, a valentine of sorts! Work on my music Playlists. I now have two with 100 songs in them. This is different than my IPOD which I take walking and listen to in the car. These other Playlists are free music and I listen to them when I am doing office work and I go to sleep to them and of course, they are also on my blog. The most fun? Finding out who sings songs I have loved but never known who was singing them--like Boz Scaggs and Sting.

Third--Open up all the shades to let the sunshine in and then make a wood fire. Next, make an incredible breakfast. Today it was a perfect Grandma's Pancake (Oven Pancake). To make a perfect one you need an old time heavy skillet, which I bought last summer while in San Diego.

Fourth--Play a favorite song on my organ. Today it was working on "On My Own" which I think is one of the all time greats of an "unrequited love song". This is the song Eponine sings about Marius in "Les Miserables" when she realizes he loves Cosette. I love the line "Without me his world will go on turning. The world is full of happiness that I have never known." Note: I did not realize she was the daughter of the wicked Inn Keeper and his wife who were so cruel to Cosette.

Fifth--This led me to put "Les Miserables--10th Anniversary" in the VCR. It never ceases to lift me and stir me. For some reason I never was able to see it on the stage so it was very fortunate that this was the musical I saw with my daughters when we went to London in 2006.

Sixth--Finally it was time to get dressed in a favorite pair of jeans and a favorite red sweatshirt from Park City, but only after trying some new makeup and fluffing my hair a little more--No one is going to see me, but I will...and I am still waiting for that prince on the white charger to storm up my driveway! ha

Seventh--Almost lunch time so I prepare a favorite panini sandwich and treat myself to a Diet Dr. Pepper topped off by delicious Flan, which I made yesterday for just such an occasion.

Eighth--By now "Les Miserables" is finishing up so I go to the organ and work on the timing of "On My Own" a little better to match what I have heard and then it is about time for an afternoon nap.

Ninth--I, of course, take my nap under my flannel sheets and goose down comforter with the light flannel coverlet I made thrown up over my head so the room is very dark. Since my plans have changed from dinner and movie tonight to dinner and Symphony tomorrow night I sleep until 5 PM!!

Tenth--Bandido and I take our daily brisk walk and I even try jogging a little. Of course, I have my terrific IPOD to listen to and today I choose Michael Buble, a favorite, favorite.

Eleventh--Special day calls for Lasagna for supper--from the freezer, but perfect. And for dessert that special Flan I made yesterday--yes, twice today, because it is Valentines Day. Reminded me of how many Creme Brulees I had while on the Cruise in the Mediterranean. You could order one any time of day, plus they were served at every buffet. I can never get enough of Creme Brulee.

Evening--I have to choose some good "love stories" to watch. Since I just watched my favorites from my collection I turn to ones I have recently recorded and find "Catch and Release" which I can't remember too well, but know I liked so that was number one and then finish with one I know I love and I remember well, "Holiday". "Holiday" is another movie by Nancy Meyers. She writes and directs her movies and I like everything she does.

Bedtime--Throw another log on the fire. Turn on one of my playlists, take a hot bubble bath, and finally into my comfy long ski underwear and flannel pajamas and sweatshirt and settle down under my flannel sheets and comforter for a very snuggy, sound sleep. It has been a perfect day of doing "my favorite things". Who thought retirement could be so pleasant?

Bandido only!

This blog is especially for Kelsi who wants to see Bandido!  Bandido poses for a picture.

Bandido loves to dig a hole and sit in the cool dirt when the sun is very hot.

Happy Endings Only, please!

I have found myself doing these three things over and over in the last few months:

If I am watching a recorded movie and I come to a part I don't like (such as children in danger, etc) I click ahead till I come to a safe part to make sure all ends well.

If I am watching TV and come to a part I don't like such as someone being demoralized or badly hurt, I switch to another movie.

If I am reading a book and a character I like is in trouble or something is happening I don't like, I go to the end of the book to see if there is a happy ending. If not, I don't finish the book.

So what is that all about??? Can I only handle happy endings at this juncture in my life or is that my way of always finding joy in my life?

President Thomas S. Monson

I have always been aware of President Thomas S. Monson's tender side and his great love of service to the widows. I was not aware of how young he was as he accepted responsible callings. Another thing of interest is his uncanny perfect memory. Could you name all the squares on the Monopoly board in perfect order? 

What a Wimp!

On the way in to vote today, there was a talk show on public radio about how honest we should be in our everyday life. One psychiatrist who had worked in Washington D C for years says it is absolutely mandatory if you are to have a satisfying, intimate relationship with another. He said the problem in our culture is not so much the 53% divorces, but the 47% marriages, some of which are very bad marriages with a lot of deception. He said, "If you honestly relate to someone, there will be ups and downs but you forgive and become better friends or partners because of the trust and belief in one another."

Another writer had the opinion that if a little deception is better for the relationship and doesn't harm anyone, do it. She said there were some things she wish she hadn't been told. And, of course, the discussion on whether you honestly tell someone the truth when they ask if they look fat in their pants, etc. Do we really want someone to be totally honest with us if it is going to make us feel badly?

I know my husband kept certain things from me because he didn't want me to worry or to rethink and complain about what he was doing business wise. He didn't lie, he just omitted. Keep peace at all costs is some people's attitude.

After I voted I decided to eat some of my favorite Mex food, but they were closed so I thought I would try the hamburger at the "50's Diner". Surely that could only be good, it should be their specialty. NOT! The hamburger looked ok but the meat tasted terrible (like old) and was not as grilled brown as it should have been. The fries were greasy. I vowed never to come back and did not finish the meal... When she came and asked me how everything was, what did I say? Did I tell her what I thought? NO, I lied!!! I said, "Fine."

And I thought of the "Honesty" discussion I had heard. Why didn't I tell her? To keep peace? To avoid confrontation? Because it would be a hassle? Just not coming back was my choice, not to have them take it back and do over, etc. I am acquainted with some men who certainly would have complained. They are confident, assured and leaders in their career choices. Whether they are always honest I don't know but they wouldn't pay for something that was bad and if asked about the food, they would have spoken up...

Many fine nuances to being honest: Is "omitting" dishonesty, is being diplomatic dishonest, is blunt truth too cruel, can all friendships and relationships weather total honesty??? Something to think about.

Unfortunately, sometimes I can be too direct and "honest" in a way that can hurt. And other times, I do not assert my rights by being as honest as I should be... I can be a wimp or a jerk depending on the mood. Something to think about. Hopefully, generally I am somewhere in between and just nice and agreeable with a little positive feedback thrown in...

Problem Solved!!! Sleeping Well...

For the past six weeks or so I have been bothered by an aching leg which I understand is probably from a pinched nerve. I have decided I will try acupunture when the snow lets up and I can get down to Chico. But...

In the meantime I have been tossing and turning and hurting. A few nights ago I started a new routine. I lathered my leg with muscle rub, pulled on my long ski underwear, pulled on snuggy wool socks (after a hot soak in the tub) and then laid under my flannel sheets and down quilt in the soldier sleep pattern (on my back, legs slightly apart and arms straight down, nothing touching and totally relaxed). My bed has the feet raised also. There were no nerves touching each other all night and no matter how much I was tempted to turn on my side, I wouldn't do it. I slept like a baby, just like I saw Kelsi sleep and it worked!!!! I think the snug underwear keeps the heat on the leg. Anyway, I look like a dork, but who's looking anyway. I AM SLEEPING!

As I have said before, growing old is for the pits...

President Hinckley's Funeral

It was a beautiful funeral today for President Hinckley. He was such an amazing father, Prophet and leader. He has put the Church in the limelight all over the world. There were so many informative stories that I learned many things I had not heard before.

The main thing I realized is that I need to get back to work and stop thinking I am too old to do anything!!! He was 23 years older than I am when he did most of his traveling around the world and he was still making momentous decisions. What a man...how blessed we have been.

I am looking forward to getting to know President Monson better. He has always been a marvelous speaker and quite a caretaker of the widows. He is following quite a legacy and we all pray for him as he makes his own mark on the direction of the Church.

Tomorrow

Well, the sun is supposed to come out Monday anyway. We have had snow all day again. The "Christmas Trees" in the back of my yard are the heaviest I have ever seen them and the snow is half way up the bird feeder.

You can't see him but at the moment I chose to take a picture a big squirrel was choosing to escape across the snow. I wonder from where to where??? It currently is a white-out outside and will be the same tomorrow. On our walk today, I slipped again, it is pure ice underneath the powder--another two days by the fire for sure. Since I ran out of fire starter I am a real pioneer at getting my wood to burn.

I love the song "Tomorrow" from Annie. FDR was president when I was in grade school and this is who Annie was singing to in the musical. We were totally impressed at listening to him on the radio or seeing him in the newsreels at the movie. When the musical Annie first came to LA the children were all quite young but Richard loved taking the children to musicals. So we bought seats close up front (our philosophy was if you are going to spend that much money, spend a little more and make it really memorable) and drove them up there. It was a wonderful experience but I wonder if they remember it as well as I do!

The last musical Richard took me to, was a near up front seat of "Phantom of the Opera" in San Diego. It was a marvelous production. I have never forgotten that "Phantom"--his voice, his hands, amazing. It was one of the best birthday presents I have ever received.

The Enchanted Cottage

I have certainly read some good books and seen some good movies while sitting in by the fire. Yesterday it was an old WW II movie I had seen before but I didn't know it was specifically made to make the casualties of war feel better about themselves. Supposedly as the story goes the enchanted cottage was let out to honeymooners only and had been for over 200 years. There were many romantic tales about the charm and mystery of the place.

Robert Young was the handsome pilot who returned with a deformed face and arm. Dorothy McQuire was the homely, kind old maid who he married for convenience rather than love. (It is interesting that to make a beautiful woman homely all you have to do is take away her makeup, give her a frumpy hairdo, frumpy dress, and poor posture). At any rate they fall madly in love as they are transformed by the enchanted cottage (they think) into beautiful people. They do not realize they still look exactly the same to other people. They have become beautiful to each other because of the loving and caring way they treated each other.

It is like Goethe said, "If you treat an individual as he is, he will stay as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he could be and ought to be, he will become what he ought to be."

Anyway it was an enchanting, romantic story, just perfect for a snowy, lonely day.

If you have someone in your life that makes you feel beautiful, you are very fortunate. I have never forgotten one day in the San Diego Temple when Richard came up and whispered in my ear. "You are the most beautiful lady here." This was at a time when I was 30 lbs overweight and with a frumpy hairdo as well. And believe me, I was not the most beautiful lady there, but he treated me as if I were...a very kind man.

Snow predicted until Monday--Yikes!

Bandido and I dressed up like eskimos and enjoyed the beautiful snow today. He didn't like it since the road wasn't cleared yet and he was getting a snow belly.

If you look closely you can see it is snowing quite heavily... This is my attempt at a photo op--about 20 feet from my door. Not bad... Where I laid my black glove is the top of my head and I am 5'4" so you can see the sides of the road are over 6 feet high now.

Marjorie learned how to measure the snow weight. We need a 4 inch diameter plastic pipe--put it down in the snow (on the roof) put a shovel under the bottom of the pipe and then put the pipe in a plastic bag and drop all the snow in it. Weigh the bag and times it by 11 and that will tell you how much weight you have per sq foot. Hmmm....

President Gordon B. Hinckley passes away

"President Hinckley has been one of the most loved modern Church leaders and is the greatest temple builder in the history of the world. Of the 124 temples in the Church, President Hinckley has dedicated 85 of them and rededicated 10 more. "

The remembrance I always cherished is his prayer with his family that they would "live a life of no regret"... something we would all desire. We all loved our Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley.

Astrology

So every day I send an Astrology email to the "block sender" and everyday I get another one, so doesn't that work to block them??? Anyway today's is pretty good:

"Get the feeling that the other shoe is about to drop? It's not -- so relax and let the universe drive. Things have been going splendidly, and they'll continue to do so. All you have to do is show up -- and stop trying to find the dark cloud in that silver lining."

Now if only my leg would stop aching I could get some sleep...

"Left to Tell"

Jeanne sent me the book "Left to Tell", the story of Immaculee Ilibagiza who was a survivor of the Rwandan Holocaust. For 91 days she and seven other women lived in a cramped bathroom of a Pastor's home while hundreds of machete-wielding killers looked for them.

She asked the Pastor for a Bible and discovered the power of prayer through her many hours of meditation. She came to have complete trust in God and his promise of "Ask and ye shall receive". Immaculee went from 105 lbs to 65 lbs and had two severe illnesses while in those horrible conditions but learned how to cast out doubt and negative thoughts Satan was feeding her and give herself totally to God. She also determinedly learned the English language on her own while in that tiny place with just a French/English dictionary and two English books, because she felt inspired that she would need to know English to tell her story. In the end she was amazingly able to forgive her family's killers and came to know the meaning of unconditional love.

She says, "When I meditated, I touched the source of my faith and strengthened the core of my soul. While horror swirled around me, I found refuge in a world that became more welcoming and wonderful with each visit. Even as my body shriveled, my soul was nourished through my deepening relationship with God."

Several times she was able to look her killer's in the eye and they walked away without harming her. It is really an inspirational story.

The amazing thing to me is that that type of geneocide can still happen in our world in 1994. Over one million Tutsis were slaughtered.

We have so much to be grateful for here in America, so much we take for granted.

Bagger Vance

I just watched an excellent "feel good" movie directed and produced by Robert Redford with Matt Damon, Will Smith, Charlene Therize, "Legend of Bagger Vance". I must have missed it in 2000 when it came out, but it almost makes me want to take up golf (almost). And I was interested in the line "Golf is not a game that can be won, only played." Great movie...

Oh, yes, and the sun came out today, temp up to 50 and good meltdown for a few hours. And good news...the building code up here is 100 lbs per sq ft and 4 ft of snow on the roof would only be about 50 lbs per sq ft. As I found out in Texas and Louisiana, building codes in California are more strict but aren't we glad for that...

And snowing...

So what is more dangerous, too much rain in So Cal or too much snow in No Cal? At least the snow is more beautiful, you have to admit that.

Another 18 inches last night. I cleaned the steps and woodshed run (and Bandido run) at midnight and again this morning. The snow is still light but getting wetter and would be perfect for making snow creatures. If only I had kept my ski pants...

The roof is up to 45 inches by the stairs. How much weight can a roof hold? And I hold my breath every time I gather wood--check out the roof on the wood shed.

It just keeps snowing!!!

Hope the roof can hold it!!! It may snow all weekend. Ron just cleaned off the driveway at 1 and there is already another 6-8 inches. Bandido and I tried to take a walk but underneath all that powder is very slick ice. A broken hip would about finish me up...so we are sitting by the fire.

Nightmare!

I had another one of those crazy nightmares--started out on a trip with Richard but got lost when I sidetripped to find a bathroom. As I tried to talk to people along the way I couldn't hear them because the tape recorder in my hand was too loud and I couldn't shut it down. I finally threw it far away and it still blared in my ear.

I ended up in a station or post office and stood right in front of my Dad and he didn't recognize me (I was 35 when he died). I finally saw Richard and had to admit I had lost my purse with the luggage tickets, all my identities and money. That is when I woke up and found my ipod was blaring loudly in my ears!

3/4 of a Century!

Well, I made it through another birthday, the 75th, a big one! I actually celebrated it last Thursday, my last night tending Jacob, Lea, Jimmy and Kelsi. I made cupcakes earlier in the day, a good dinner, and I intended I would have each of them draw a card for me. However, there was the Lea mishap. She was at ballet, but where, I did not know and there was a problem as her "ride home driver" was out of town. So she was there knowing she didn't have a ride. And I was home, not knowing where she was. Luckily I reached Camber before she got on the plane in Salt Lake City and she alerted someone to pick her up.

However, she didn't get home till 7! At any rate, Jacob and Jimmy sang "Happy Birthday" to me and loved their cupcakes. And then Lea did the same. There were so many cupcakes I put the remaining ones in tupperware in the freezer.

The next morning when the boys were telling me "Goodbye", the big question Jimmy had was, "Are you going to take your cupcakes with you?" I assured them they would be in the freezer for them when they returned from school, so all was well. I could leave, but not the cupcakes...

Having a large family is always a plus on your birthday, you get a call from your brother David, sisters' Carole, Jeanne and Marilyn and children Linda, James, and Maria (well Maria forgot this year, thinking it was the 28th) but Camber had all the children sing "Happy Birthday" again on the phone and Maria gave me a blurb in her blog when she realized her mistake. All in all, a lovely birthday and my daughters are taking me to a Spa in Reno when Linda comes up next month, something to look forward to--I need a Spa treatment at 75!

Winter Wonderland, Indeed!

Today Bandido and I really enjoyed our walk. It was 10 degrees warmer, blue sky was peeking through the clouds, no wind, and lovely big flakes of snow coming straight down. Lovely.

It reminded me of how much time we spent in the snow when I was growing up in Montana. Mother didn't drive so we walked to school, home again for lunch (actually noontime was the big meal of the day) and then back to school and home again in the afternoon. The temperatures were much lower than they ever get here in California but we dressed for it. Long stockings, wool snow pants, galoshes over our shoes, mittens strung through our coat sleeves with crocheted yarn strings, scarf over the head babushka style, long scarf around the chin and nose area, and a long scarf around the forehead. We were ready for cold. Often double mittens. Still I remember how much fun it was to walk and play along the way, often stopping in the park and making angels in the snow or playing a game of fox and geese or building a snow man.

After school we would go sledding on the hill outside our home or ice skating a few blocks away. I remember coming in with hands so cold you had to warm them up by putting them first under ice water and then gradually getting the water warmer so it wouldn't hurt so much. It amazes me how much we could endure in those Montana winters, but when you are skating or climbing the hill or running around a fox and geese circle you stay fairly warm. When Richard and I had our own children we would often draw a fox and geese circle at the beach in the winter (when it was deserted) and teach the children how we played in the snow--well, at least I, Richard grew up in Las Vegas so only knew snow when he went to BYU or over to Brianhead to ski.

This is the coldest winter we have had since I came to Lake Almanor--it may be a long winter.

Living My Dream! 2008

I have only been home a day but it is enough to remember why I don't have a dream, I am living my dream!! This is what I always wanted, a place of peace, security, and I must add, beauty in the mountains!! I love my little space that destiny led me to and to live here in good health with the knowledge that all my descendants are very capable, healthy and wise and able to make their own mark in the eternal scheme of things, I am, in deed, very blessed.

True, when I dreamed this dream I should have dreamed having my love here by my side. Then I would never be lonely. But you know what, in all honesty, Richard would have been bored to death here. He did not have hobbies or "stuff" to keep him busy. He had to have things to organize, to manage, to manipulate, to negotiate or he was just not fulfilled. He had a life full of that and is probably now Heavenly Father's best organizer of councils in heaven.

I have so many books to read, my organ to play, quilts to quilts, material to sew, family history to complete, memory books to finish, friends and family to visit, gardens to tend, a temple near by and always a step away from a beautiful walk in the woods. Who could ask for more. I may even go back to swimming in the lake this summer. (And I love my fire wood stove burning every day.)

When I was at a park with Kelsi in Rancho Santa Fe I talked with a realtor who was tending her grandchild. She told me of a client who was just a little younger that I. But this poor woman was having to sell her home and move to Texas where she hoped she could get some help from her daughter. This 70 something woman had two grandchildren she cared for full time, one 10 and one 11. She also had a 26 year old disabled grandchild who was bedridden, her full charge. And she recently had to bring her daughter into her home who was 49 and had had a stroke. The woman had had a reversible mortgage on her home but had to sell soon and hopefully recoup some equity to move on to a cheaper place to live. The realtor said the government who helps so many was not much help to this lady. As always there are those who know how to get every freebie there is while others who have a need go without.

As a friend keeps telling me, "Gratitude is riches, complaint is poverty," I have nothing to complain about and can only be very grateful. I am living my dream.

Update:  Who knew that I would have to do the same thing, sell my dream home with a reverse mortgage and live with my daughter.  Enjoy your moments, life is always changing.

If You Don't Have a Dream...

Lea and I have been watching the Rodgers and Hammerstein Musical "South Pacific" and one of the songs is "If you don't have a dream, How you gonna make a dream come true" (polynesians singing English). Reminded me I am supposed to be deciding what I want to do with the rest of my life. So what is my dream? Or do we ever get to choose anyway? Isn't it just like John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans?" I think so and I have always hated to want something for fear of being disappointed. Seems that is what always happens if you really want something. I got that lesson early with my Shirley Temple Doll and I think that is why it is so hard for me to set goals and make plans. I would rather not be disappointed.

In "SOUTH PACIFIC" you have your "cockeyed optomist". I guess I am the cockeyed pessimist. I have also been thinking I need to review my "25 Things I Want to Do Before I Die" or as the recent movie called it, "My Bucket List". I think I did most of the ones I chose 11 years ago and need to choose some more. Now I know this shoots down my theory of not planning because of disappointment possibilities but I didn't think they would really happen and so I wouldn't have been disappointed if they hadn't and then they just did. Strange now that I think about it. I think I have had my heart broken too many times though to want anything too much again.

So how do people know what they want to do with their life and where do their dreams come from? I remember when I was a senior in high school all I wanted to do was get married after I graduated and my brother talked me into going to college--which I am very happy for but it wasn't my dream. My friend Carla had many dreams and plans for what she wanted to do--because of that drive she became "Miss Montana" and was on Broadway, on TV, had multiple careers. Why do some people know exactly what they want and the rest of us become the audience or the enabler or just do what someone else needs us to do??? I wish I had the answers.

What do I want to do with what is left of my life??? I wish I had a dream...

So what things did I want that actually came true? When I was in college I thought it would be neat to live in California. But I went back to Montana by choice and then ended up in California anyway, and I have lived here for 52 years. When I first moved to San Diego, I saw La Jolla and said I wanted to live there some day but I did not actively pursue it. I lived there for 20 years. One of my "25 list" was to go to Sweden. I went there in 2000 but I had not actively pursued that either. I wanted to be a fulltime Mom and wife and I was that for 20 years before other forces took me into the career life. I had always wanted to live in the mountains and finally achieved that in 1999. Hmm, so I guess the thought or dream is the beginning...

So what do I want to do with the rest of my life??? I wish I had a dream...

Sleeping Positions

I once read an article on what our sleeping positions mean. Last night the two year old Kelsi ended up in my bed and she sleeps "spread eagled" with both hands and feet spread out and laying on her tummy. I think it means "domination" as opposed to my sleeping habit in a fetal position which means just the opposite. I started her out in the middle of the bed but she keeps turning and spreading out until I had about 12 inches on the side. I moved to the other side and left her where she was with pillows edging her side. A few hours later I was hugging the side of the bed again and she dominated our space. Oh, well, two more sleepless nights and then I am heading home to Lake Almanor to peace, calm and aloneness. It has been a great trip, but there's no place like home.

Winter Wonderland

Jean and Ron sent me pictures of what I am missing at home today, it is beautiful...you have to admit.